Dirty Little Secret
by Hot Crimson Passion
Summary: Can a chance encounter during a power outage really impact your life that much? SxS, Yaoi
1. Chapter 1

Dirty Little Secret: Chapter One

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Don't own them, never will. Unless Square wants to share….Please?

PS. This is Yaoi. If you don't like it, don't read it!

I Light a Candle

In the Garden Of Love

To Blind The Angels

Looking Down from Above

Bon Jovi, "Dirty Little Secret"

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Rivals. Ha. If only people actually knew what went on between me and Puberty Boy before the war, they would know how much more than rivals we really were. And unfortunately, it was unable to continue for so many different reasons. I will say that I miss him, but I wouldn't say that I am desperate to get him back. That will never happen. He has moved on. But I suppose to tell a story properly, you have to start from the beginning.

A smirk on my face and my head held high, I walk down the hallway with complete confidence that if I didn't have, I wouldn't be me. I'm celebrating my fuckin' 16th birthday for Hyne's sake. And the only thing that can complete this day complete is a spar from the only person in the Garden who is worth the time it takes to lift my blade. I could care less that it's almost curfew, I'm gonna let him know what I want and when I want it. As I travel closer and closer to his room, almost lost in my own little world, I think off all the things being 16 means. No more junior cadets in my classes, allowed to spar outside of Garden, allowed attempting the SeeD exam. Best of all, I am allowed out one whole half hour later for curfew. The corridors are relatively quiet for this time of night, due to the fact that it's the middle of the solstice break and most of the other cadets, junior class men and non essential SeeDs have headed to their homes for the break. As for me, I have no home other than Garden, just like the other remaining people. As much as Garden is a private military academy that snobs like to send their kids to, it's a refuge for us orphans, a place to put down roots. But most of all, it's a place that the government can send us after we get too old for people to adopt us. This is exactly why I am here.

My ever present smirk is plastered on my face, and I am as smug as always. I know I am hot, and I want every one else to see that too. The only difference in my stride from any other day in day to day Garden life is the fact that I am not being flanked by my posse. Having returned to Raijin's parents place in Dollet for the solstice break, I actually like the quietness that doesn't normally accompany them. And it is through this silence that I hear the muffled voices coming from the closed off common room.

"Come on! There ain't anyone else here. No one will hear ya." I recognize the voice as a SeeD cadet a year ahead of me, not really important enough for me to care about what his name is. I've had a couple of run-ins with him, so you think I would care, but when I am victorious each time, it doesn't really matter to me.

"For Hyne's sake, Pussyheart. Afraid that your boyfriend will find you?" the voice caused my ears to perk up. No one but me is allowed to insult _him _like that. Feeling my anger rising, I change my motives and turn to the closed door of the common room. Noticing it is locked, I use my new found authority to override the lock code and the door slides open to a sight that causes my jaw to drop immediately.

There was my favourite spar partner kneeling on the floor in front of this guy, his arms bound behind him, eye-level with this kid's cock. Squall's left eye was swollen, most likely going to blacken, and his lower lip was split, dry blood colouring the lightly tinted lips.

"Almasy? What the fuck?" the cadet cursed stuffing himself back into his uniform pants and zipping up. I felt a new range of hate evolve in me, and for once it wasn't directed to Squall or the world in general. It was all centered on this prick in front of me.

"Leave him alone." I growl, laced with malice.

This causes the bastard to grin at me, as he placed a hand on Squall's shoulder. "Why? Is he your little whore? I hear he makes the absolutely cutest noises during sex." And as if to prove a point, he shoves Squall forcibly to the ground.

"Nah, just figured that you wouldn't want to be thrown out of Garden." I shrug, trying to regain the control that I have lost before I get all of us in trouble.

"Thrown out? Why the fuck would I get thrown out?" Judging by the vein in his forehead that was growing thicker and bulging more with each passing second, I'd say he was starting to get a little bit pissed off.

I let out a low chuckle. "You're telling me that you forget Line 68, Paragraph 13 of the SeeD rules and regulations? That's convenient."

You can almost hear the cliché gears turning as his pathetic mind tries to mentally go over the rule book we are all suppose to have memorized. With the look of utter concentration on his face, I can tell that someone hasn't been keeping up with his studies.

"Library books shall not, under any circumstances leave Garden property?" he questions, still unsure about his answer.

To my surprise, it is Squall who firsts laughs at this cadet's stupidity. Mind you, it is only a few breaths that might possibly be a laugh, but he is the first one to make a sound.

"Line 68, Paragraph 13: Any SeeD, SeeD cadet or Junior Cadet cause in the act of sexual promiscuity will be immediately discharged, no matter their rank, level or status." the stoic brunet said, almost with a hint of pleasure in his voice.

The cadet looked stunned at this gem of information, but at the same time, a look of ironic pleasure passed over his features, as if this was just what he wanted to have happen.

"And what are you going to do about it, Almasy? The headmaster would never believe a tale of yours, especially if it involves you rescuing Pussyheart here. Everyone knows how much you hate each other. You have no credibility." He grinned a Cheshire cat grin, looking very happy with himself. Too bad I was about to seriously burst his bubble.

This caused me to chuckle deeply. "So I guess you never got the message about who would be taking over from Joni as the head of the Disciplinary Committee, then did you?" The look on this prick's face told me everything that I needed to know. All I was waiting for was for it to sink completely into his thick skull.

"Is the Headmaster on crack or something? Making _you_ head of the Disciplinary Committee?"

I only smirk. "What the Headmaster does in his free time is none of your concern. Now, unless you want to be packing your bags tonight, I'd get the fuck out of here right now." I glare at him and before you could even say Gripping Geezards, he is running out of the room with his tail between his legs, leaving only myself and the cold brunet in the room.

Said brunet has managed to get to his knees during all the commotion and I can see him breathing heavily. Fuck, that prick has done a number on him; even I show a little more mercy than that. Then I notice the gentle swaying of his body, looking as if he was about to fall right back over. I guess the ice princess really does need my help.

"Up you go." I grunt, placing a hand under each arm, and pulling him to his feet. Knowing that he was still swaying, I cast a cura spell on him. His eyes go wide in realization of what I just did, but I think it might be more in relief than anything. Sure that he can stand on his own now; I reach down and pull a switch blade out of my boot. I quickly use it to cut the scarf that his arms were bound with, letting the piece of fabric float to the ground as I replace the switchblade in my boot. Squall lets out a sigh of relief as he rubs his raw, red wrists.

"Thanks." He whispers, not making eye contact. With his head tipped forward, his chocolate hair falls into his eyes and makes him look more innocent then I have ever seen him before.

"You okay?" I ask, the uncomfortable atmosphere of the situation finally hitting me.

"You're probably disgusted with me at the moment." I was thoroughly surprised at this comment. Obviously there was something about him that was completely off today, he's never acted like this around me before.

Letting out a sigh, I grab the back of his leather jacket, and drag him down the hall, glad for the fact that, number one, everyone was home on break and no one would see us. The other reason I was glad for was that everyone thought that I would use my position as head of the disciplinary committee against Squall, and boy was that coming in handy right now. Finally breaking out of my thoughts, with a closing wisecrack that if I did that too often, I'd end up like Squall, I realized that we were standing in front of my dorm room.

With a growl, I punch in my access code, the mechanical door sliding open to give us entrance. All I could think was that I am so glad that my roommate is gone.

"Um, I should go." Squall whispered, then turned to leave.

"I don't think so, ice princess." I smirk, then grabbing the back of his jacket; I shove him into my bedroom. This earns me a serious Leonheart death by icicles glare. And it might have worked on me, if it weren't for the fact that I have been getting one everyday of my life as long as I could remember. "Easy, Squally-boy. I just brought you here to fill out an official complaint form against whoever that prick was." If it was possible, the glare only became more intense.

"It's Adam Mekeal. And….Whatever." he crossed his arms over his chest, then leaned against the wall, still unable to meet my gaze.

"You don't honestly want to let him get away with this?" I was a bit surprised at this thought. Squall was not one to let anyone push him around. And I should know. "You gotta be kidding." And as the words left my mouth, a mechanical whirling began, and every light in my room went out. Not even the lights that normally flood into my room were there anymore. The only light was a very pale light, enough to make it not completely black, from the moon reflecting off of the metallic Garden.

Squall glared at the door, knowing all to well that if the power had failed, there was a big chance that he wouldn't be leaving anytime soon. The brunet stepped on the sensor pad, and when the door gave no response, he let out a reluctant sigh and turned to the keypad. I stretch out on my small bed with a smirk. After he punched several numbers into the unresponsive keypad, he turned around.

"Give it up, Squall-boy. Face it, you are stuck here with me until they come around with the emergency keys. You may as well make yourself comfy." I still have the smirk on my face as I receive yet another sharp glare. With that, he slid down the door, to sit himself on top of the floor sensor. Probably so he can bolt the exact moment when the power comes back on. And I know sure as hell that he won't be offering any conversation.

After only a few minutes, I get bored of sitting in the dark and remember something. I get off the bed, causing the springs to squeak and Squall to look over at me.

"What are you doing?" the ice princess asked me.

"Pardon me if I don't want to sit in the fuckin' dark anymore. I'm just gonna light a candle." I growl, before pulling a couple of plain white pillar candles out of my night stand. With a mumbled fire spell, the wicks are lit, creating a soft glow and allowing me to see my guest in full. His arms are wrapped around his bent knees and he is holding on for dear life. I inwardly smirk that he feels this uncomfortable around me, even though we are both unarmed and I am not even that close to him.

"Don't worry, Squally. I've blinded the Angels, so they won't come down to rape you. You know that's what they do when the power goes out." I can't help tease him no matter the situation.

"Can it, Almasy." He spits out, obviously more than a little pissed off at our predicament. "Why did you want me here in the first place?"

His question takes me a little off guard. I half wasn't expecting him to be so outright with his questions, but on the other hand, when is Squall anything but outright, when he talks that is. I shouldn't have expected anything less. I take a seat at my desk, straddling the chair and looking at him. I let out a deep sigh before starting.

"First of all, I of all people know that you are not weak. Fuck, I have the scars to prove it. Why the fuck were you letting a pathetic asshole like Adam Mekeal dominate you like that?" I know it sounds a lot harsher than I meant it to, but I was trying to find out all the answers that I wanted.

These comments only earn me glares, not a single word passing through the brunet's still swollen lip.

"Are you trying to tell me that you wanted it?" my mind has started to jump to conclusions once again, filling in the blanks that the boy in front of me refuses to offer answers for.

For some reason, the ever present glare disappears from his features momentarily. Unfortunately, I know that means I have come a little too close to home.

"Don't pretend like you know anything about something you know absolutely nothing about." Definitely hit the nail on the head, and the glare is renewed ten fold.

I lean my head forward as I try to sort out some of my thoughts. How do I approach this subject? So I do what I seem to be known for. I act with little thought put in first.

"So, are you just curious, or do you actually think you are gay, or bi?" I mentally want to kick myself for that little remark.

Of all the reactions that I thought would come from the stoic brunet, the one I receive was the only one that I would not have expected in a thousand years.

He blushed, followed by a death glare. Of course the blush only lasted for a moment, but it was there just long enough for me to catch it. And it was the reaction that caused me to think. Squall Leonheart actually blushed. I really must have struck a nerve.

"Why do you even care, Almasy? Even if I did confirm it, or deny it, you would only use it against me." His tone startled me more than I could ever imagine.

There was definitely something that he wasn't telling me, and the way that things were going here tonight, I doubt the brunet is going to divulge any more information to me. I don't know why this is bothering me so much. I never took interest in caring about anyone other than myself, but for some reason, seeing him so vulnerable, I feel I need to do something about it. To see someone so strong reduced to the state he was in is difficult for anyone to see.

"You know, for someone who just got his ass saved from being raped, you sure are acting like a cold bastard. I did you a favour back there, and I'm not asking for any repayment. Maybe a thank you, but you don't owe me anything." Once again, my brain is experiencing lag from my mouth. Even I can't believe the verbal bowel moments that I am capable of.

"Fine. Thank you so very much for ruining my life." He glares at me with renewed hatred. I just couldn't believe it. This prick acts as if everything that happened tonight is completely my fault.

"Ruined? What the fuck are you talking about? If I hadn't come in when I did, you'd be walking with a limp for the next week. And you're telling me that I ruined you life?" I rise to my feet, effectively knocking the chair out of the way. I am feeling a little more than pissed off, knowing that my temper will rear it's ugly head soon enough.

And true to his nature, Squall raises to his feet to meet my challenge.

"Fuck off, Almasy. You know as well as I do, that come daybreak tomorrow, everyone in Garden will know that I like cock and I need you to save me. If that isn't my life being fucked over and ruined, I don't know what is." The look in his eyes was one that I wouldn't soon forget. Fear, hate, sadness, hurt. On top of all that, there was one more thing in those stormy grey eyes that will remain in my mind forever. Tears were beginning to form at the corners of his eyes, threatening to spill over at the slightest movement.

So many things are going through my head right now. My biggest rival is standing here in front of me, about to cry for Hyne's sake, but at the same time he is showing more strength and courage than I could ever hope to possess. That's when the first revelation hits me. I envy him. To be able to hold so much inside can't be good for you in anyway, shape or form, and when you seem to hurt the most, to hold back the tears. Even in all the battles that we have fought over the years, I have never once seen him cry. And that's when the second revelation of the night. He's not really just a rival to me. He is a friend to me, even if I may not be considered a friend to him, he is definitely one to me. We've known each other practically our whole lives; I honestly can't remember a time in my life that he wasn't right there with me. Sure I have Fuu and Rai, but sparring isn't nearly as fun when your life or certain body parts aren't in mortal danger. Even today, I was more interested in having a fight with Squall on my birthday then going in Dollet to spend the night partying with them.

But some friend I am. I've, as he put it, ruined his life. Here he is standing in front of me, giving the ice goddess herself a run for her money, and he is blaming me for the ruining of his life, when in reality, I have. I won't even try to deny it. But what can I do to rectify my mistakes? It's all too obvious that he hates me and will never think of me as anything other than the bastard that fucked up his life.

Feeling more than a little ashamed of myself, I once again look into his face, only to witness one more oddity in this altogether strange night. A tear was falling down his cheek. I guess, sometimes, no matter how hard you try, even and ice princess such as Squall has no control over his emotions.

Without realizing what I am doing, I reach a hand out and softly run my gloved finger up his pale cheek, catching the small bead of moisture on my fingertip. I can feel the muscles in his cheek go tense as my hand strokes over the pale flesh. Before I could say or do anything, Squall turned around and began to try and leave my room, and only then does he remember than that power still has not come back on.

"Squall…" My voice was barely above a whisper as I reach out to grab his shoulder.

"Don't." The quiet force in his voice causes me to stop. "I honestly don't care that you know I'm gay. But I don't need you pity." His words cause so many things to go through my mind. Still working on its own accord, my mouth blurts out words with no consulting from my brain.

"You've got to learn the difference between pity and comfort. Because right now it seems that you could use a friend. Since I am the close thing to one that you seem to have, I will be here fir you." I said, finally placing my hand on his shoulder and spinning the stoic lion back around to face me. The muscles I could feel under his think leather jacket were tenser than I think I have ever felt. And that includes all those times that I have shoved him into Garden walls unexpectedly.

"Friend? You think of yourself as my friend?" he growled, malice lacing his soft voice. His tone was seriously starting to piss me off.

"What else would you consider us? I believe that we've surpassed that petty rival stage, Squall. Think about it for a minute." I bit back the rage that was boiling beneath my skin and actually said this in a civil manner. I let go of him and turned to go lay down on my bed. If he wasn't going to accept the help I was offering him, why should I waste my time and energy on him?

"Seifer…" Squall was the one this time to whisper a name and reach out. I turned around to witness a look on his face, not one of hate or rage, but something completely different then his usual mask of indifference. This was a forlorn look of lost companionship. Maybe I was too quick to call our relationship friendship. I guess companionship would have been a better choice, but then again, when do I ever think?

We just kind of stood there awkwardly for the next few moments, neither of us sharing our thoughts, neither of us moving. Just staring at one another. What happened next, I don't think that either of us could have prepared for it.

"Cadet 40179, Almasy?" A voice came from behind the closed door. It was one of the faculty members who came around with the emergency keys. Took them fucking long enough, but at the same time, they came way too soon. I let out a deep sigh, pissed off at the bastards timing.

"Yes, Sir." I reply, Squall just turning to look away from me, almost as if he wanted to hide something.

"Are you alone?" the voice called again. Squall finally met my eyes.

"No, sir. Cadet 42195, Leonheart is in here. He had an issue with another cadet and was just filling out an official complaint form when the power went out." I said, as the door was manually pushed open and the strangely robed man came into sight, the candle light making him look more than a little frightening.

"Very well." The faculty member nodded as he made a couple of marks on the clipboard in his hands. "If you are finished, you may come with me and I will give you access to your dormitory." As he spoke, I can only assume that he is looking at Squall, but who can tell under those robes. "We are requesting that everyone stay in their own dormitories until the power returns."

"We just need another few moments." The voice of the brunet completely surprised me. I figured that he would have bolted at the first chance he got.

"Very well." The faculty member replied, and then glided out of my room, leaving the door slightly ajar.

I turn to face the brunet, but he is looking at the wall again.

"What the hell? I thought you would dart from here like a glacial eye from the fire cavern." I am still in shock at his actions. He mumbles something incoherent. "Speak up. I didn't catch that."

He looks at me, tension in his face. "I just wanted to say thank you." He whispers and walks right over to me. I close my eyes, and prepare for a blow to my chest or stomach.

But it never came.

Slowly, I open my eyes in confusion. I am immediately met by a pair of stormy grey eyes. What happened next was beyond me. I never knew what came over him, or possessed him to do it, but it was the last thing that I ever expected from the brunet lion. He put his hand against my chest, taking part of the black t-shirt I am wearing into his hand, before pulling me down closer to his height.

"Squall? What are you doing?" I ask, bracing myself once more for the blow that I know that I more than deserve. Before I can comprehend anything, Squall leans up close to me and with no hesitation, places his lips over my own. His hand is still clenching my shirt, and he uses it to pull me closer, adding more pressure to the joining of our lips. His free hand snakes up my back, over my shoulders, up the back of my neck, then finally comes to rest at the back of my head, This sensation is completely new to me, the surge of energy jolting through my body at a rapid pace as out closed mouth kiss continued.

Finally getting over the initial shock that Squall is indeed kissing me, I begin to respond to his lips. Soft and moist, his lips thoroughly betray their week appearance, actually quite strong and forceful. Almost as soon as I start to respond in full force and just as I was about to give his devilish tongue access to my mouth, he pulled away from the kiss as quickly as he started it, leaving me desperately wanting more contact.

"Happy birthday, Seifer." He whispers, giving me one last look into his slate coloured eyes.

Without another word, the brunet turns and walks out of my room, leaving me standing there, both speechless and breathless. On their own accord, my gloved fingers find their way up to touch my slightly moist lips. My mind is reeling about only two things. First, what the hell was that for; and second, when the hell can I get another one.

Please R&R, I want to know what people think.

This story is based off the Bon Jovi song of the same name, Dirty Little Secret. It was a plot bunny that my friend gave me and I have just tried to expand on it. It is a pseudo song fic. I say that because I will not be quoting the song exactly. I will just be taking the words and working them into the dialog or descriptions.

This story is tentatively going to be about 6 Chapters, and as you can tell, it's a SXS, or at least that it what it is starting out to be, whahaha! Till next time!


	2. Chapter 2

Dirty Little Secret: Chapter Two

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Don't own them, never will. Unless Square wants to share….Please?

PS. This is Yaoi with a hint of lemony freshness. If you don't like it, don't read it!

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I Want, I Need

The Fruit off Your Vine

It Tastes So Bittersweet

'Cause I Know it's Not Mine

I Wanna Come Inside

Bon Jovi, "Dirty Little Secret"

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As I lay in the dark, my mind was caught up in the events of earlier. Why the fuck did Squall kiss me? And why the fuck was I still thinking of it? I mean, I've done it many times in the past to chicks, but is there any reason for me to be so hung up on this and not just put it all behind me? I just don't understand it. Was puberty boy just fucking around, hence why he said happy birthday afterwards, or was he doing that because he truly is attracted to me? Then again, who isn't attracted to me? I've been told, more than once that I am sex, personified. So maybe that was the reasoning behind Squall's kiss.

But then again, Squall has always been the exception to every rule. If he had done it because he was attracted to me, why am I not thoroughly disgusted? I've never thought about fucking another guy, but that might not be what Squall is after. Would I even entertain the thought of a full relationship with another guy?

I sit up with a start. What the fuck am I thinking? I am _not_ gay. I am Seifer Almasy, walking sex god. Heterosexual sex god. Even if it would be with Squall, the only constant in my life since I was six years old, the exception to every rule. I would never fuck a guy, no matter how desperate I get. I'm not homophobic or anything, don't get me wrong, I have absolutely nothing against the gay community. I just don't really care to be part of it. But if it were Squall…What the hell am I thinking!

I look around the darkened room with a hefty sigh, the faint glow of the candles still flickering away in my desk. I guess tonight was a decent birthday, definitely better than some of my past ones. And one of my most memorable ones, that's for sure. But I would never have thought myself to be this confused.

Fuck! I'm still thinking about it. I haven't devoted this much brain power to anything since the time that I plotted to get Squall stuck in the girls locker room so he would get caught. Dammit. This is ridiculous. I let out another sigh as I fall back down onto my bed. I watch the faint shadows play on my ceiling, the moonlight creating some strange shapes as it reflects off the metal shell of Garden. One almost looks like the cross sword crest that I know all too well, floating across the flat surface, over the powerless light fixture.

Entranced by the floating light, I can't tear my eyes away from the movement of the shadows. As the center of the emblem crosses over the dome, the whole thing illuminates, nearly blinding me in the process.

"Fucking Hyne! Goddammit!" I curse, flinging my arms up to cover my eyes, still seeing multicoloured specs floating around the backs of my eyelids, despite my eyes being tightly closed. I tell you, Hyne must hate me, because I have shit for luck.

My door slides open and then closes, for security purposes after the power came back on. Perfect. Now that I can leave my room and be sure that I can get back in, I might as well head to the training center. 'Cause I sure as hell know that I won't be sleeping tonight. There is just too much going on in my head. I jump up off the bed, reaching under to grab Hyperion's case, pulling my dark gunblade out of the black case, and then grab my grey trench coat. While still pulling the coat on, I head out the door and begin running down the halls towards the training center. The hallways have quite a bit of noise and chatter for the small number of people left in the dorms and despite it being well after midnight. Just as I make it to the end of the dormitory hallway, a voice comes over the speaker system.

"Please excuse the disruption in electricity for the past three hours, 48 minutes. This was due to an incident in the Training Center involving a T-Rexuar. Because of this, the Training Center will be closed for the rest of the evening. It will reopen at 0900hours, tomorrow morning. All cadets, please return to your dorm rooms. I repeat, all cadets please return to your dorm rooms. That is all."

At the sound of the words 'training center' and 'closed', I stop dead in my tracks. You gotta be kidding me! Of all the nights, of all the places. Why couldn't the hotdogs start a massacre in the cafeteria? No, it had to be the training center. Fuck it all to hell. Now how the fuck am I suppose to relieve all this tension I have built up over analyzing everything. I guess I could go harass Squall over everything. What the hell? I never want to go just see what he is up to! What the fuck is coming over me? I start walking back to my dorm, still debating if I wanted to face Squall after everything, so I never saw it coming.

One minute I am walking down the hall minding my own business, the next, I am on the hallway floor, Hyperion sliding across the floor, another body somewhat tangled with mine. I think I am about ready to kill something here.

"Watch where the fuck you're going, fuckwad!" I exclaim, before looking to see who ran into me. Not getting a reply, I internally worry that I've knocked the poor kid out. Finally I turn to look at the cadet, hoping I didn't seriously hurt him. Heh. A few bruises should teach him a lesson for now. Everything changes the moment I see who is sprawled across the floor with me.

"Didn't get enough of me earlier, puberty boy?" I ask without thinking. Once again I don't get a reply, but I'm not even privileged to a glare for once in my life. He scrambles to his feet, trying to hide with no avail, the slight embarrassment plastered over his features. He walks over to where his revolver has landed, and picks it up. The whole time he refuses to meet my eyes, or even look in my direction. With a slight blush giving his cheeks some much needed colour, my mind tells me that he looks attractive like that. Fuck! There I go again! Why can't I get it out of my system? Unless…Fucking shitty Hyne. Goddammit! I can't believe it. Fuck. Finally Squall looks at me, a strange look replacing the embarrassment on his face. But I guess he has a right to look at me strangely. Here I am, lost in thought, sitting in the middle of the corridor, making no effort to move.

Footsteps then become audible and we know that the faculty must be once again patrolling the halls, now that the power is back on. I finally make complete eye contact with the brunet, and for once there is no glare, no contempt, no frustration, no malice, and no hate. He extends a hand out, and with a whispered thanks, I take the offered hand and assistance to my feet. With a tilt of his head, Squall motions towards his room, almost in a motion to follow him. He then stalks off without a single word down the hallway and without a look back to see if I am following him or not. Going over my options quickly in my head, I reach down, grab Hyperion, then chase after him at a brisk pace, hoping not to get caught by any faculty. I finally get to his dorm, the door sliding open before I even step on the sensor, Squall standing there. He ushers me in, and we enter the pristine common room, also entering an uneasy silence.

"What do you want, Almasy?" Squall's voice startles me, and we look at one another for several quiet minutes before I answer.

"I want…" I trail off. What were the emotions that I was feeling? Not only have I never been attracted to a guy before, but especially never to a guy that I consider my mortal enemy. But then again, maybe I have always felt this way about the stoic brunet. I certainly never felt this way about any of the women that I have seduced, so was I just looking for a quick fuck with Squall? How did he feel about this situation? The more I thought about it, them more questions I came up with, the more excuses I made. What the hell. You're only young once.

"I need…" Once again, I am unable to finish my sentence. But this time, it is for a completely different reason. I finally get a good look into Squall's eyes. Instead of the normal emotions that are normally present in those stormy depths, there are only things that I have never before seen. Lust, passion, hunger. Before I can think things through or say another word, Squall grips my chin in a gentle yet commanding grip, and tilts my face down to look at him. I find myself getting lost in the endless pools of blue and grey. I never realized how mysterious his eyes actually were, how captivating they are. I think that I could easily stare into them for hours on end. Without warning, Squall was pulling himself up onto his toes and closing the distance between our lips. I draw in one final breath of anticipation as I await the silent assault, my forgotten Hyperion dropping carelessly to the ground.

I am finally rewarded with the feeling of his soft lips pressed against mine in a feather light kiss. Now that I had expected it, the kiss was a lot more welcome. I started to respond much quicker to his actions this time. As the brunet snaked an arm around my waist, I felt the urge to hold him closer to me. As if moving on their own accord, my arms wrap around his back and hips, then pull him quickly up against my body. This causes the brunet to gasp, breaking our kiss. Feeling that puff of hot air on my kiss bruised lips shoots a feeling through my body, from the tips of my toes, up to my ears; from my fingers kneading the skin of the lion to my slightly swollen cock. Hyne, this boy is incredible. I haven't even felt his tongue yet and I am already getting hard. Maybe that shows just how much I subconsciously want him.

"Seifer!" Squall whispers breathlessly as he begins to grind his pelvis against me. I can feel his hard cock rubbing against my hip even through his leather pants and my jeans. I smirk, placing a hand at the back of his head, pulling him back in for another kiss. This time, I no longer allow room for imagination as I take on the dominant role in this new found passion. I run my tongue over his soft lips, asking Hyne to grant me access to the warm haven I seek. The brunet in my arms must have sensed my urgency and reciprocated it, for he parted his lips and his tongue came out to meet mine. As soon as the pink organ made its way past my lips, the heat within flared up once more. At my first taste, the sweetness is one of his own, a fruit off his own vine and no where else. Exotic and foreign, it was like nothing else that I had ever tasted.

All I wanted was for this to never end. As hard as it was for me to actually believe that not only was I standing here making out with a guy, but with a guy that I have basically devoted my existence to hating. What I wouldn't give to know exactly what Squall was thinking right now. Did he actually harbour some feelings for me, or was this just some new way for him to get his rocks off? I wish I knew.

I would never in a million years think that I would ever make out with a guy, let alone enjoy it. The feeling of Squall grinding against my hip more forcefully than before pulls me from my thoughts. His soft tongue tastes every inch, every crevice in my mouth, the sensation of the muscles moving together arousing me greatly. I wrap my arms tightly around his back and pull him as close to me as I possibly can, while still giving him adequate room to thrust against me.

This time, it is Squall who breaks the kiss, throwing his head back in a silent moan that conveys the heat and passion that he must be experiencing. The move exposes his pale throat to me, which I immediately take full advantage of. The milky flesh is suddenly attacked by my kiss swollen lips. Hyne, even his neck tastes good, like cinnamon and leather, with a touch of gunpowder. I lick, nip and kiss the skin relentlessly, feeling every silent vocalization of the brunet reverberate through my lips.

"Sweet holy mother of Hyne!" he whispers at the duel sensation of the friction and my lips, which causes a smirk to cross my lips as I continue my assault on his neck. Freeing one of my hands from around his waist, it goes straight to his ass, as if there was a gravitational pull guiding it. As soon as my hand made contact with the leather clad ass, he lets out a gasp of surprise and picks up speed with his thrusts. I have a sneaking suspicion that he is getting close to climax, and all I want to do is help him.

I start kneading the leather, my fingers moving in time with the thrusts against my leg. With no warning, Squall crushes his mouth harshly against mine, kissing me with a renewed force. Eagerly, with no hesitation, his tongue thrusts into my mouth, our tongues dancing with a heated passion. With this much stimulation, I'm surprised I'm not the one close to orgasm. I slowly begin to explore more of Squall's ass with my hand, while continuing to knead with my fingers. The feel is that of a firm, smooth ass, the only barrier that keeps me from it, is the leather pants that the brunet tends to favour, not that I mind them. I run my fingers over the clef of the cheeks, earning a sharp intake of breath from the stoic lion in my arms. Noting the reaction, I tentatively run my finger down the encased crack. Feeling his arms wind tightly around my neck for support, I know he won't be much longer. Venturing even lower, my curious digit finally hit the spot they have been looking for, judging by the way that Squall has just tensed in my hold, momentarily halting our kiss. I begin to pay vivid attention to that spot in particular, pressing against his covered hole, causing the first audible moan to pass through his lips.

"Seifer!" he cries in a whisper as I feel the first shudder go through his body. I hold him tightly in my arms as he rides his orgasm out, not wanting to drop him. I can feel his warm breaths against my neck, his heart beating rapidly against my chest. The strangest part of this whole encounter isn't that I just brought my lifetime rival to orgasm with little more than a touch, but the fact that I feel completely satisfied although I wasn't the one to cum.

He breathing ragged, his heartbeat still racing, I feel his body finally go weak against me. I slide down to the floor, the brunet still holding on to me for dear life. I return the embrace with one of my own, effectively keeping him in my lap. I steal one final kiss as he fights to regain control of his body.

Feeling a little bit curious, I run my hand over his stomach, his every breath known to me. I slowly pull his shirt up to expose the hard, flat stomach, the need to touch the hot skin overwhelming me. The rise and fall of his breathing is the first thing that I feel, but it isn't the only thing that I want to. I allow my fingers more exploration, finding the small indent of his belly button, but continuing lower. I catch the waist of the leather pants and follow it around until I find which I have been looking for. Deliberately slowly, I pop the button out of the small hole, the slide the zipper of the fly down. Squall's eyes went wide with the realization of what my hand would find there. A blush stained his ivory cheeks and he goes rigid in my arms.

"Seifer, what are you doing?" he asks, seeming a little bit more then uncomfortable with my ministrations. But my curiosity was getting the best of me and I only smirk at the brunet in my arms.

"Shhh. Let me explore." I reply to him, gingerly kissing his earlobes, causing him to let out an aroused sigh. Boy, this guy has stamina! And that causes my smirk to widen into a full blown grin.

Finally, my forgotten hand to dip into the opening of the black leather, its mission revived. Squall's breath once again hitches in his throat, sending a chill through my body. My fingers immediately come in contact with skin, not boxers like I was expecting. Of course he wouldn't wear underwear. Hyne forbid that he has panty lines showing through those form fitting leathers. Better yet, it's one less garment that you need to remove before having sex.

"Nice." I whisper, my voice having a huskiness to it that I know is not normally there. My fingers continue southwards until I come to the thick patch of wiry hair that has a warm stickiness strewn throughout it. Running my hand through the hair to collect the substance, I capture my lion's lips in a hungry kiss that he eagerly returns. I can feel Squall's tongue pressing against my kiss bruised lips, but I refuse him access for now. Reluctantly, I pull away, earning a whimper from the still brunet. I remove my hands from his pants completely without even touching what I had originally gone in to seek out. I look over at my hand and notice the remainder of Squall's orgasm in a milky white liquid on my finger tips.

"What are you going to do with it?" he questions softly, icy eyes showing his curiosity. I think he is as curious as I am. Slowly I bring my fingers to my mouth before licking the digits clean of any trace of the cum. I look over at my frigid companion to see a look of udder disgust.

"It tastes bittersweet." I smile, causing him to wrinkle his nose up even more, and he looks absolutely fuckable like that. I lean in to kiss him, but for the first time all night, he refuses to meet my lips.

"That was the grossest thing that I have ever seen." Squall's voice held more disgust in it then I have ever heard, and I should know. I've been on the receiving end of it most of the time. "Why in Hyne's name did you do that?"

I grin at the look on his face. How I wish I could take a picture to remember it by.

"A couple of reasons, really. First, I wanted to see what you taste like compared to me.

Second, just remembering how I got it out of you makes me want you even more." This causes another blush to creep onto his cheeks. "Finally, it's because I know it's not mine."

I must have said something that pleased him, because he brings his lips up to meet mine, despite pulling away only a few moments earlier. I allow immediate entry to his tongue, massaging the soft, pink organ with my own. All of a sudden, a though flashes through my mind, shattering my pleasure induced state of oblivion. I slowly release Squall from the kiss, his hunger still evident in his stormy eyes. A sound all too much like a whimper escapes his lips, and before I am tempted to pull him back to kiss him some more, I just take him tightly into my arms to hold him close.

"Squall?" I whisper, as if any sound louder then that would crush the delicacy of the situation.

"Hmmm?" he looks up at me, curiosity obvious in the depths of his eyes. If I'm not careful, I will spend a lot of time getting lost in those never ending pools of cloudy colour. Not that that would be a bad thing, mind you.

I pull him right into my lap, wanting to have as much contact as possible between us at the moment. And he seems to enjoy this as much as I do.

"What is this going to be? I mean, where do you see this going? A one night thing? Or long term?" I'm sure that there is an uneasiness lacing my voice, and I know that if Squall were to ask the same questions of me, I couldn't answer honestly. I really couldn't.

He turns to face away from me, and I know that there are as many thoughts going through his mind as there are going through mine. But for the first time that I can remember, the silence that perpetually surrounds Squall does not make me uncomfortable. Normally I dread having to drag words out from the stoic lion, the task always a challenge. The fact that he is thinking this through before giving me an answer gives me that little bit of confidence I need to know that this wasn't a spur of the moment decision he made only to get off.

I honestly am not sure what I want to happen. Before only a couple of hours ago, I would never thought in my wildest and strangest dreams that I would ever anticipate the promise of sex and a relationship with another guy, let alone Squall. But as I over analyze the thought of dominating the brunet both in spars and in bed, the wave intangible pleasure that runs from my spine all the way to the cloth covered area of my groin gives me all the answer I need. After all, the bedroom is just another battlefield. And if Squall is going to put half as much effort into sex as he does our spars, a relationship with him could only be incredible.

"I…" he trails off and looks up at me with those eyes once again. " I really don't know."

I let out a deep sigh. So he is as unsure about this as I am.

"Okay. There are a couple of different things that we could do." I tell him, as he runs his hand up my arm, over my neck causing a shiver to pass through my body. He tucks his head under my chin, nuzzling himself as close to me as possible. I take this as a sign to squeeze him tighter to me. "Well, we can fuck, no strings attached, never speak of it again. We can take it slow, see if we want to make a relationship, and then fuck later. Then again, we can always do absolutely nothing right now, completely forget this evening or…" I was the one to trail off this time, only to look into those eyes that are intently watching me, as if I were the great Hyne, capable of anything and everything.

"Or what?" he whispers, his own voice getting husky with pleasure once more as he plays with hair at the nape of my neck. Hyne! I don't think he knows his actions are having such an effect on me. Either that or he knows exactly what he is doing to me, which wouldn't surprise me in the least bit.

I let out a throaty moan as his other hand begins to travel lower and comes to rest on the inside of my thigh. This is when I realize that Squall wants to do something tonight. Who am I to argue with good fortune?

"Or we can fuck tonight. And tomorrow morning. Maybe tomorrow afternoon. And whenever we want to from now on." I whisper in his ear before I take the lobe in between my teeth, eliciting a sigh from Squall's parted lips and he finally places his hand over my fabric encased erection. "Hyne, Squall. A simple 'that's good' would have sufficed."

"Fine." And without another word, the brunet slid off my lap, standing and walking towards him room. Just before he enters the bedroom, he turns to face me, a slight smile grazing his features, then continues. "That last one sounds good to me." His voice is still airy, and his pants still undone, giving me a slight glimpse of the pubic hair I felt earlier.

And with that, he walks through the door, into his room before the door closes.

I sit there, contemplating my options before calling myself a fucking idiot and rushing over to the door, only to find it locked from the inside.

"Squall?" I ask, feeling almost as if I had read him wrong.

The door only opens a crack, so I know he has to have the door programmed on manual.

"What exactly do you want, Seifer?" he asks, in the sexy voice that I have grown accustomed to in the past hour or so. I smirk at the question and answer in all honesty.

"I wanna come inside." As I say this, as much of a smile as there is possible comes over his features before he opens the door and pulls me inside. Tonight is going to be a good night.

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And there is chapter two! I hope people are enjoying this. Many thanks to those of you who have reviewed and read the first chapter! This story has been running circles around my muses for some time now, and it feels good to be able to get it out. I was getting a bit dizzy.

Anyway, two down, four more to go, or at least I hope that's what it is. We'll see what comes of our cute little bishies in the next instalment.

Until next time!


	3. Chapter 3

Dirty Little Secret: Chapter Three

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Don't own them, never will. Unless Square wants to share….Please?

PS. This is Yaoi. If you don't like it, don't read it!

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-We Act Like Strangers

When You're Holding His Hand

Cause There's a Danger

That We Both Understand-

Bon Jovi, "Dirty Little Secret"

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And that is how we got together. No one else knew, no one else needed to. Not even Fujin and Raijin knew until the war. I don't think they expected me to say that the worse of the mind control was when she was trying to turn me against my former lover. But technically, we never really broke up, although, when you are trying to kill one another, it is sort of implied. And that thought causes me to think over our entire two year relationship. It wasn't flowers, candies and dates, or getting jealous over little things, but we did care a great deal about one another and stayed devoted to each other. And the sex, it was incredible. Nothing changed to the outside world, we still sparred to kill or main, we never held back, and we still allowed our tempers to clash. But that's all it ever really was, a lot of great fucks and a lot of good fights. We were lovers, but not in the romantical type of way. Sure we made love, but we didn't have candle lit dinners to sappy saxophone music. It was all about the bedroom antics and that was all either of us really cared about. But everything changed drastically after the war.

I stand at the entrance of my former home, looking at it as it sat there in its original spot. It's been nearly six months since time compression, and I still feel as if I had just left for Timber only yesterday. I really don't want to be here. But when there is absolutely no other place on Gaia that will tolerate you, you make some personal sacrifices. Believe me, my pride and ego were the first to go. I let out a heavy sigh, before my fucked up mind reminds me just how many people in that giant hunk of metal I tried to maim, hurt or kill. Not to mention Squall's little kiddie bopper group that I personally tried to kill numerous times. And the fact that I tortured the only person I ever really cared about. Maybe this wasn't such a good idea. I don't think that I am ready to apologize just yet. Or is it that I don't want to see the disbelieving looks on their faces? It could be that I am not ready to face Squall yet. To look at him and see the hurt and pain that I caused. Not the war, not Ultimecia, but me. Heh, maybe next time I'll actually make it to the front gates before I chicken out.

"Seifer?" I hear a quite voice come from behind me, just as I turn to abandon my fear on the doorstep.

I would know that voice anywhere, anytime, any place. It haunts my dreams, even my waking hours. Fuck, even the voices in my head normally take that tone. I take a deep breath in hopes of preparing myself to see the only person I have ever been scared to see.

I turn around slowly, fear still hindering my movements, to see him standing there at the Garden entrance, gunblade strapped to his hip, sweat causing his hair to stick to his forehead. Obviously he had just come from a spar, but with whom?

"Squall, listen, I…" I trail off, wondering why all those speeches that I have practiced have chosen now to leave me. Everyday since time compression I have planned exactly what I would say to him in a hundred different scenarios. But none of those seem to mean anything, now that the moment has arrived.

"Squall, wait up!" A laughter filled voice calls through the courtyard. It is a deep commanding voice, a leader's voice, one that demands compliance. But more importantly, it's a voice that I don't recognize.

"Here." The brunet calls back, his eyes never leaving mine. What is it about those grey eyes that will leave me captivated for hours at a time, uncaring about the outside world?

Before the eye contact is broken, a third figure joins our little reunion in the courtyard. I've never seen this guy before, he certainly wasn't at Garden before the war. His long shoulder length black hair partially covers his face, concealing his left eye. But I am actually glad for that. His visible eye is the brightest red that I have ever seen. Even Fujin's eye looks like the colour of mud compared to the blood red of this man's eye. He stands a few inches over me, making him nearly a foot taller than Squall. Everything about this guy, from his broad shoulders and muscular arms, down to the sinister look his ruby eye holds and the large battle axe strapped to his back screams power. It's a good thing that I have selective hearing then. I should kick his ass for interrupting.

The guy marches right over to Squall and takes a position standing next to the brunet, causing the stormy eyes to turn away from me.

"Hey, lion cub. Why'd you take off like that? I thought we could make use of the Fire Cavern after the brats all left." The rough voice held an edge that I was not expecting. A sexual edge.

"What's all this about, Squall?" I growl, my hand unconsciously gripping the hilt of Hyperion, ready to draw her at a moments notice, jealously overtaking my soul.

Squall makes no obvious reaction to my emotions, as this stranger wraps his arm around the lithe man's shoulders. Squall lets out a sigh and looks up into the face of this giant.

"Dante, this is Seifer. He went to the same orphanage as me and attended Garden for a few years. Seifer, this is my lover, Dante." This statement catches me completely off guard. First of all, does this mean that Squall finally came out? I never thought he had it in him. But then again, a lot can happen in six months. But for some reason, this 'Dante' fellow really makes me feel uneasy. I'm not sure what it is, for all I know, it could just be what I ate for lunch earlier. But I have a sneaking suspicion that it isn't that.

"Hey, you're that witch's lap dog!" the dark bastard exclaims with a glare. "You destroyed my Garden!" Ah, there's that feeling. A Trabia Garden transfer student.

"Hey, I've already been proven to have been manipulated, jackass. I've been cleared of all charges." I sneer at him, not intimidated in the least bit.

"You lying little fucker!" Before I know it, there is a large mass flying towards me, axe drawn in front of him. With barely a flick of the wrist, Hyperion is drawn and ready, waiting for some action. And frankly, if this is Squall's new boy toy, who better than to hack and slash at? Within a moment, our weapons meet, Hyperion successfully defending off the giant axe.

"Dante, stop. He isn't worth it." Squall's voice cuts through the both of us, both in different ways. To Dante, it causes a smile to eerily creep over his features, as if he recognized the threat I pose to Squall's tight ass. But to me, those words slice through me in the worse possible way. To him I am no longer worth it. To the only person who ever mattered, he no longer gives a shit about me. So why should I care either?

"Forget it, Leonheart. I came here to repent for my actions. Obviously I'm not wanted here." I pause to collect my thoughts, and to actually think things through, but I hear something that sounds suspiciously like a sarcastic 'Obviously' come from Dante's direction and I lose it. "You've changed, Squall. I guess that the fame that comes from saving the world from a bastard like me has gone to your head. Have a great life, Ice Princess." I snarl, and with that, I turn around to leave with every intention to leave this hunk of metal forever. There will have to be somewhere that will accept me. But I can handle the scorn and disgrace that seem to follow me everywhere. It will be no match for having to live the rest of my life with Squall and I acting like strangers.

Just as I turn to leave, I run into someone. By reflex only, I grab the person before they fall to the floor.

"Pardon me." I say, refusing to make eye contact. If I got this far without anyone recognizing me other than Big, Dumb and Ugly over there, I might as well keep it that way.

"Seifer?" the soft voice takes me completely by surprise, being the last voice in the world that I ever wanted to hear again besides Ultimecia herself. But even with all the panic creeping into my veins, I manage to push a breathy response past my lips.

"Matron…" I quickly release the hold I had on her arms as if it burned. I look into the soft brown eyes, praying not to see anything more then the few lingering flecks of gold in the large round eyes that hold so much emotion, including worry, compassion and strongest of all, love.

"It's so good to see you again." She gives me a warm smile, before taking me into a tight hug. I can't find it in me to return the embrace. "I'm so glad to see that you are fairing well. Have you finally come home?" She pulls back and I am freed from the suffocation that I am experiencing, only to look into her face. The ivory skin is framed beautifully framed by her ebony hair, a pair of warm chocolate eyes brightening with her smile. But even beyond all of her natural beauty, all I can see is the taint of Ultimecia. Manipulated, used, disgraced. The only mother that I have ever known, doing things to her 'children' that should never come from a mothers touch. I step back and look at the woman standing in front of me. A small smile of hope is playing on her lips. Although I don't want to, I need to see the reaction that comes from the only person who matters, or make that mattered.

He's waving as the bastard blows a kiss and walks away from him. Squall then turns to face me once again, a neutral expression on his gorgeous features. Before I have the chance to reply, the dark haired man walks over to me, an unreadable mask of indifference hiding his emotions well. Prior to the war, I could see through any front that Squall could put up. But now, it's as if he is a totally different person. I can't read him at all.

"Just forget about the past, Seifer. You belong here." Matron causes me to look up at her words, effectively breaking my eye contact with Squall.

"Matron's right. The past is behind us now." Squall says, very cryptically. Something is definitely different about him. This is not the Squall I know.

I look at Matron, the hope and anticipation shining on her features at a glaring level, and all the while Squall maintains his façade.

"Fine. But for my re-entrance exam, I want a no holds, one on one spar with you. You win, I come back, no questions asked. I win, the choice is mine to make." I smirk. "But you don't need to bring your boy toy. I can't properly beat you when you're holding his hand." I can feel it inside me; I am becoming the malicious bully that I was before the war.

"When and where?" the stoic brunet answers me, much to the surprise of Matron.

"The usual, at sundown." I say this, then turn and walk away, not even giving him a chance to confirm or deny this duel. It almost hurts me to think that this will be our first duel in almost 3 years that we won't fall into bed together afterwards, but then Dante's face comes to mind and I can't wait to release the hate building inside.

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By the time that Squall's head pokes over the side of the cliff, the sun has nearly set all the way. This is the first time since the day that we traded scars that I have been back here, and from the look of remembrance on his face, it is the same for him.

"Well, well. Look who actually showed up." I grin, seeing a rage start to burn in his eyes, but it is extinguished almost as quickly as it started.

"You doubted I would?" he asks, drawing the mythical blue blade out of its sheath. It still blows my mind that Squall has a Lion Heart model gunblade. I mean, Hyperion has been greatly upgraded, energy crystals worked into the edge giving it a violet shimmer, but nothing like the blade that Squall holds in his hands. The adamantine folded into the energy crystal blade causes the crimson glow of the sun to make it appear to be a blade made of blood

"Ready to dance?" I reply, and without waiting for a reply, I lunge forward, Hyperion at the ready. It comes to no surprise that he defends immediately as if he had anticipated the attack. It may have been months since our last duel, but we fight as if it had only been yesterday. I know every single move of his, and he knows all of mine. I notice that there is more force that usual behind every strike he makes, which means a couple of things. First, he's finally gotten stronger. Next, his current sparring partner must be going harder on him then I ever did. But most importantly of all, he is taking his aggression from something out on me. Or should I say aggression from someone. But for now, I'm just going to let him work it out.

I meet every thrust, every strike he sends my way, not allowing my rival to notice how much I've trained since the war, but certainly taking note on how much he has. The battle ensues for what seems like an eternity before I feel a sharp pain along my left bicep. Heh. So Squall has managed to drawn first blood. Things aren't going to go that way much longer. Jumping away for just a moment, I quickly notice that Squall seems to be favouring his right arm. Now that I can see a weakness, I am going to do everything in my power to exploit it.

Smirking, I once again charge towards Squall, this time for more than merely attacking him. My opponent takes a precious second to analyze my new tactic, thus leaving him open to my blows. I seize the chance and slam the flat of my blade against the brunet's shoulder. What happened next was something I was not prepared for.

The sound that escaped from his lips was one that no living human should be able to make. A truly feral and bone rattling sound. Pain so evident in the howl, it causes me to drop my blade, only in time to have him fall forward into my arms. As soon as my hand touches his shoulder, another sharp intake of breath escapes from him. His gunblade has been dropped along with mine as he struggles to pull himself out of my grip. Finally he makes it out of my reluctant hold.

"The fuck? You're obviously hurt, why not except the damn help?" I snarl, glaring over at him, previous thoughts leaving my head. This earns me an icy glare, and funny enough, it feels good to be on the receiving end of one of his stares for once.

"It's none of your concern." He hisses, clutching onto his shoulder, the pain appearing to not recede at all.

I growl at the typical response before standing up and walking over to the edge of the cliff. This place seems to have marked the beginning of the end for me, and it almost seems appropriate for it all to end here as well. I can see Garden about a half mile off, resting in the same spot that it has always been in. To think that at one point I actually wanted to be part of the killing routine that comes with the oh so alluring title of SeeD. I contemplate throwing myself down the hillside, wondering if Squall hadn't been standing right there, how long would it take for people to notice that I was gone. Months, probably, weeks if I'm lucky. But why would I do something like that? Something that would bring so much happiness to so many others? But I've always been a selfish bastard.

I sigh once again at finding a pathetic excuse for not killing myself. I slowly take a few steps away from the edge only to hear a sigh come from Squall's direction. His face is still heavily contorted in pain, but I could have swore that it had sounded like relief coming from him He looks as if he wants to get his coat off, but the beads of sweat forming on his brow from exertion tell me that it is a losing battle that he is fighting.

"For Hyne's sake, Leonheart. I barely tapped you. I've done more to you in the past and gotten less of a response." I sneer; walking over to him, then grab the cuffs of his jacket to help him remove it.

"Don't." he whispers, his voice caught somewhere between pain and pleading. I huff out a displeased breath, trying to contain my temper.

"Fine. You're the last person I would have expected prejudice to come from. But I guess that's what comes from open warfare." I grab Hyperion from the ground, keeping all but one emotion bottled up inside. Disappointment.

Turning to leave, I pause only to take in the sight of Balamb Garden against the horizon one last time. Although I believe that I will never again return to Garden, it was my home for nearly 13 years. One last look might ensure that I am able to remember the few good times that I had there. But I'll try to find happiness elsewhere. It can't be that difficult, can it, even for a pariah like me.

"Wait." I hear a soft voice call. I let out one more sigh before I turn to face him.

"Wait for what, Squall? Wait until you can lift your blade so you can kill me yourself? Or wait so you can retry me for all the crimes that I didn't commit? What the fuck do you want me wait for, Squall? Because I'm done waiting, especially for you." I growl out, looking into his stormy grey eyes for the first time since we arrived at the cliff. The pain there is unmistakeable, but there is something more there. There is a longing, a wanting, not for love, not for lust, not even for sex. But a long for companionship. "Well, Squall?" I ignore the vile look he is giving me.

Without a word, he turns his head away from me. I watch as he slowly shrugs his trademark bomber jacket off his shoulders, withstanding the pain, revealing a sight that I never thought I would see.

His white t-shirt is stained with blood where I had made contact. But something struck me as odd. Not all of the blood was fresh.

"The fuck?" I whisper before kneeling down and removing the jacket from around his arms.

"Please…" he trails off, almost in a pleading manner. Almost, but not quite. I know exactly what he wants me to do, although he says not another word. Carefully, I pull the t-shirt up over his head, trying my hardest not to aggravate anything that could harm him anymore. With as much cooperation as possible while enduring the pain, Squall helps me remove the shirt. I carelessly toss the shirt to the side, only to take in a sight familiar to me, but completely foreign at the same time. There are scars beyond my imagination, the largest being on his left shoulder, from where I watched in horror but unable to do anything as the giant icicle pierced right above his heart. But along side of all the scars are fresh cuts and bruises littered along his arms and over his chest. Among all of these, my eyes are immediately drawn to one in particular. Where I had struck him only moments ago, was a large cut, unbound and unhealed. It formed the shape of a cross, one line from beyond the shoulder joint running to his chest, the second line from the base of his neck down to the middle of his bicep.

"Holy fuckin' Hyne, Squall." I mutter while reaching into my coat pocket for some sort of healing concoction.

"Don't." He murmurs just as I pull a hi-potion vile out of my pocket, my last hi-potion.

I roll my eyes and pop the cork. "Give me one good reason not to, and I'll consider it, princess."

"There's a danger, with Dante." He replies, his strength leaving him rapidly now. He's obviously left it bleed too long.

I stop dead in my tracks. I'm not sure if I heard him correctly. Fuck, I hope to Hyne above that I didn't.

"Did that bastard want you to throw the fight so that I don't come back?" I sneer, skirting around my true thoughts. Without waiting for an answer out of him, I pour the liquid potion over his shoulder, using a gloved hand to rub it over the worst of his shoulder. Unfortunately, it isn't strong enough to completely heal the wound, but it is enough to close it and stop the bleeding. Unless Squall uses a spell or another potion soon, it's going to leave one nasty scar.

He lets out a deep sigh of relief as the pain begins to recede finally. "He doesn't want you at Garden." That answer doesn't surprise me any as he reaches up and rubs his own shoulder. I lean back on my heels to look at him.

"What about you?" Our eyes meet once more; his auburn locks falling into his face makes me want everything from him that I know I can't have anymore. And with Dante around, I'm not sure I even want to fight for it.

"You belong there." He says quietly, without hesitation.

I run my index finger down the scar on my face in a nervous fashion, turning away from

Squall's intense gaze. What I wouldn't give to go back to the way we were before and change everything that happened. For us to go back to fucking and fighting. But that will never happen, I know that. But I can hope, can't I? Especially if everything with Dante isn't all candy and roses. All I want from Squall right now is the truth.

"No, Squall. It is a yes or no question. A choice of two words. None of this bullshit about belonging or anything. You either want me there or not. Because unless you want me there, there is no reason to go back." The look on his face is priceless. He looks completely torn on whether he wants me to jump off the cliff or if he wants me to throw him down and fuck him senseless.

"I…" he trails off, trying to gather his thoughts. And I know that I am not the central focus of those thoughts. Dante is. "I do. But…"

I see this as my cue to enter. "But Dante... Listen Squall, I know that is not going to he the same between us as it was before. As you said, the past is behind us. I'm glad you moved on. If that's what you are worried about, I know you have someone else now." I stand up and make my way over to where I had flung his shirt. He will need it to go back to Garden. I kneel down to pick it up, and as soon as my back is turned, I hear a groan from behind me.

"Seifer…" With the effort it took to stand up, Squall's voice sounds airy, just as it did on the night that we first got together. But I can't think of that anymore. All of a sudden, I feel his presence right behind me, moments before I feel his hand come to rest on my shoulder, almost using me as a support. That is when I think we both understand that things can't go back to the way that they were before. "Thanks."

I swallow hard as I hand him the shirt in my hold, unable to meet his eyes. Fuck, since when have I been suck a love sick fool? Squall has moved on, has a new guy that could probably bench press me. But I also have to remind myself that Squall and I never had a 'real' relationship. Just a sexual one. All of it was good, but I know that it could never have lasted to now. Maybe if we had gotten together a little later in life, instead of when we were both just beyond puberty, we might have stood a chance.

"No problem." I look up in time to see him slide in on over his head, giving me my last look at the bruised chest that I will ever have. I quick avert my eyes once more as his head pops out of the top. Without another word, he walks over and grabs his coat that he had abandoned before picking up his gunblade with his left hand. He is obviously feeling the pain from his shoulder. Now that he has his possessions once again, he spares one more glance in my direction, our eyes unable to meet.

"You've gotten stronger." He tells me, and not waiting for a response, he continues. "You won. Your rules were that if you won, the choice to return to Garden would be yours to make. I hope you choose to come back, Seifer. You really do belong there." And with that, he begins his decent down the cliff side, and quite possibly walking out of my life for good, never to return to me.

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Please don't hate me…hides from angry mob This was how the story was going to be from the start, so if I am disappointing anyone, I am so sorry. For those who mentioned that you thought Squall was a little OCC in the first couple chapters, I will explain my reasoning. I think that Squall is a very determined young man, who when he knows what he wants, he will stop at nothing to get it. Hence why he jumped out in space after Rinoa with no other plan. I use the same principle here. He wanted Seifer, and would do anything to get him. Other than that, I am sorry to skip past all of their relationship, but to make it work with the song, I had to. One more, thanks to all of you who have reviewed so far! Keep reviewing and I'll continue to put out chapters! Later….


	4. Chapter 4

Dirty Little Secret: Chapter Four

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Don't own them, never will. Unless Square wants to share….Please?

PS. This is Yaoi. If you don't like it, don't read it!

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We Run Like Thieves

Through the Temple Of Sin

'Til We Fall On Our Knees

Then You Go Back To Him

I Wanna Feel Alive

Bon Jovi, "Dirty Little Secret"

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No one looks twice at me as I make my way down the hallways towards my destination. It was way too easy to find out where Leonheart was going to be. Maybe the gate keeper wasn't thinking when he just told me that "The Commander" was currently in a meeting in the conference room. He didn't even make note of who I am. He only raised an eyebrow, as if he might have seen me sometime before. Fuck, I spent the last eight months in hiding, afraid of the world's reaction to a washed up knight, when in my own former home, I can't even turn a single fucking head. Next time I try to take over the world, I'm gonna make sure that people will remember my name.

I'm not sure why exactly it took me two months to come back here after I beat Squall, but for some reason, I just couldn't come back right away. No matter all the shit Squall was going on about with me belonging, I didn't want to come back, and it didn't have anything with having to see all those kiddies that I tried to personally kill. Nope, I just didn't want to. And honestly I'm not sure why I chose today to come back. I was quite content living under my rock, until I got this nagging feeling to return. And frankly, while I'm here, I'm going to make an impression.

As I approach the double oak doors, a fleeting thought flies through my mind. Am I really ready to come back into this mundane routine I had been so eager to leave less then a year ago? Well, it's not exactly the thought of doing the same thing every single that is so enticing to me, but the challenge of getting Squall back.

Even in fear of sounding like a hopelessly romantic pussy, seeing Squall walk away from me after the fight made me realize something. I still want him, and I could possibly even learn to love him. The only thing right now that I am certain of is that I need him.

So, swallowing the last bit of dignity that I hope to ever possess, I push open both doors, only to find the small conference room full of gaping mouths and utter silence. Seems I have interrupted a 'Saviours of the World plus One' Meeting. Heh.

"The hell? What are you doing here, Almasy?" a growled voice is the first to speak up, and with the words Chicken Wuss jumps out of his chair and takes a defensive stance.

"Is that anyway to welcome back your former classmate, Chickie?" I smirk, unbothered by his typical anti-Seifer reaction to my arrival in a room.

"Former is the proper word, Seifer." The blonde instructor has a glare aimed at me from through her sliver framed glasses. Too bad for her, I learned my glare immunity from the only person who could ever manage to pull off a good one.

"Oh, I'm hurt, Quisty. Didn't Squally-Boy here tell you all about our deal?" I finally turn my eyes towards the stormy eyed brunet, who still has that bad habit by the name of Dante attached to him. Hyne, I'll have to break him of that habit. It's not good for him.

Said bad habit turns towards the commander swiftly. "What is he talking about, Squall?" Dumbass' voice holds a lot of hate, very apparent by his tone. Heh, thank Hyne the feeling is mutual or I might be a slight bit offended.

"Yeah, Squall. What deal is he talking about?" this time it is the messenger girl to pipe up. The cowboy to her side only nods his head in agreement to her statement, offering no comment. For a self proclaimed player, that guy seems to be pretty whipped. Who cares, really?

Looking no more upset then usual, Squall looks around the room with an expression commanding silence. Or at least that's what I think it means from the way that Chickie squeaks and quietly slides back into his chair. Then again, I haven't really been around for most of the past year, and I don't know Squall all that well anymore. I spare a second to look at all the faces that are focused on the famed lion. Cowboy's is a neutral one, which surprises me, and the hyperactive speed addict has a curious smile on her face that almost scares me. No, wait. Not almost scares me, definitely scares me. Chickie has a disbelieving look, while the Trepe doesn't look very happy to see me at all. But it is the look on Dumbass's face that confuses me. When we first met, it was like he could sense the threat I held on his claim over Squall's ass, yet now, although his look is one of pure hatred, it is not directed at me. It is directed at Squall. Odd.

"As of right now, Seifer Almasy is SeeD, level four. This is fully approved by the Headmaster." As always, Squall is blunt and straight to the point.

"You gotta be kidding me!" Chickie exclaims, jumping up out of his seat, only to have Trepe glare at him and wave him back down. Interesting. Seems that Cowboy isn't the only one who has become pussy whipped in my absence.

"Zell's right, baby, Why would the Headmaster authorize that a murderer like him be readmitted into our Garden. Especially when we know hat his hands are stained with blood from all three Gardens." Dumbass finally shifts his hate fill gaze from Squall over to me. Ooh, I think the dust bunnies in the corner just scampered away.

"Oh, pish posh, Dante. Matron already explained everything to us. Remember, I was part of Trabia, too. And Irvy is from Galbadia. If we can forgive him, you should too." This causes me to look at the petite brunette in confusion. "Oh, come on Seify. Like I could hold a grudge against one of our orphanage gang." The smile on her face is what frightens me. I've seen this kid kill others without hesitation, yet she has an innocence around her that tells you that she probably believes in faeries and elves and such. Then again, she probably does, or appearances can be deceiving. But with her, it's most likely both.

"We had a deal, Leonheart. I beat you fair and square. The choice was mine to make. Explain it to them." I ignore everyone for a moment and focus solely on Squall. His face is neutral, but I know how much is probably going on behind the stormy eyes.

"Seifer showed up two months ago. I asked him back into Garden. He agreed only if I could beat him in a spar. I lost, so the choice was his to make. Obviously, he chose to come back." Squall summed up, his eyes never leaving mine.

The Trepe had clearly decided that it had been long enough since she had inserted her two gils worth to the conversation, because she chose now to butt in.

"Two months ago? If you had actually won the fight like Squall claims you did, why didn't you come back right away? Why make a deal then wait to collect your winnings? And Squall, why didn't you tell anyone that you were sparring with him? We could have been there to make sure that the fight was as fair as you say it was!" Although her exterior is calm and collected, the panic in her voice betrays how upset she is by these turn of events. But it's been long enough, I'm out of patience.

"Okay, fuck it. I've been running like a thief for the past year. So sue me if I am drawn to the only place that could have ever been considered my home." I growl, directed at the blonde instructor. How in Hyne's name could they ever understand all the shit that I've been going through? Shunned at every place I went to, spit on, and cursed at. And I wasn't even in control of my own body to claim responsibility for any of this.

"Well, I agree with Squall's decision. We're mercenaries. We fight against one another all the time! The messenger girl holds firm on her ground, surprising me. "Besides, it could have been anyone of us that were taken under Ultimecia's control. Would we treat Squall or Zell the same way if it had been one of them?"

"That's totally different! It would never happen!" Chickie argued, jumping up once more.

"Almasy, you are now SeeD Level Four. Please report to the assignment office at 0900hrs tomorrow morning to receive your first assignment. Admissions will assign you a room. Please report there immediately. Selphie, you and Irvine are to escort him and negate any open hostilities against him on my word." Squall didn't get this even out of her mouth before messenger girl jumped up with a 'whoot' before running over and grabbing my arm. She pulled me out into the hallway with Cowboy following us at a much more leisurely pace.

"You're going to let him roam the hallways with only two guards! Are you crazy!" this was the absolute last thing that I heard Chickie shout before Cowboy pulled the door closed behind him.

"We'll let the lion deal with the rampant predators." Cowboy grinned, with Messenger Girl still on my arm.

"Will you let go?" I glare at the spunky brunette. She gives me a smile and a 'tee-hee' before removing herself and attaching onto Cowboy in the same way.

"So, Seify. What kept you away from this temple of sin for so long?" she questions as she begins to pull the cowboy towards admin and signals for me to follow.

"What does it matter? I didn't want to be here, no one else obviously wanted me here, and so what was the point?" I shrug, wanting nothing more than to get my new dorm and curl up and fall asleep in a real bed for the first time in Hyne knows how long.

The brunette stops and turns to face me. "That's not true. Matron thinks of you as her own flesh and blood. The same way that she feels about every child she takes in." I roll my eyes at that comment. Fuck, I should have expected. "Plus I think that you actually broke Squall's heart." Now, that one I wasn't expecting.

"What do you mean broke Squall's heart?" I ask before I can stop myself. That's it. I have to train my mouth stop talking before my brain makes it talk.

"I was there in Timber that day. Seifer, when you showed up, his eyes brightened, but then when you attacked the president, it was if you held your blade to his neck instead. And when we went to Galbadia Garden, when Rinoa was going on about you and we all thought that you were dead, Squall got really angry and upset and everything! He actually displayed emotions for all of us to see." She was emphasizing each point with dramatic arm flailing, despite her arms still wrapped around Cowboy's.

"That still doesn't mean that I broke his heart. Who knows, it might have been indigestion or something like that." I argue, hoping that there is a reasonable explanation for his actions.

"But you never let me finish!" the petite girl stomps her foot, and Cowboy places a hand on her shoulder to hopefully calm her down.

"What my little cowgirl is trying to tell you is that after the war, Squall wasn't his normal stoic self. He was actually sulky and such. Sefie and I cornered his one day and he spilt the beans." Cowboy's smile actually frightens me more then his girlfriends. But then it hits me exactly what he is saying.

"Fucking Hyne." I groan. I wonder how much torture Squall had to endure before breaking. Then again, I think I'd just cave to get this little imp to leave me alone.

"I think that he really cares for you, Seifer." The girl's tone went completely serious for the first time that I ever heard.

I push past the two of them so I can continue on. These are the last two people on Gaia that I want to be discussing this with. No, cross that. Trepe and Chickie are the last two people. "Don't you mean cared?"

I don't stop in my trek, even when I hear both of them calling my name. I hear their boots on the floor, running to catch up, but I don't notice their presence until a firm hand clasps on my shoulder and spins me around.

"Listen here, Almasy. We've witnessed the breaking of that lion. And let me tell you, when you are dealing with something that is so fragile and it breaks, there are a lot of little pieces. Selphie and I were the ones who had to put every single piece back together. And If you think that it is 'cared', you can march your ungrateful ass right back out the door." I match the glare that he gives me, and slap his hand away from me.

"Listen here, Cowboy," I snarl. "Don't ever fucking touch me again if you value your balls. And what ever happens or happened between Squall and myself, is just that. Between Squall and myself. Not You." And with that, I once again turn and leave them staring at me.

I couldn't tell if the actually followed me or not, because neither of them said another word. I got all the way to my new single dorm without another confrontation. Just a standard dorm, but it is more then I have been able to claim as my own in the past year. There on the desk though, is Hyperion. I am a little surprised at this, as they were holding her at the gates while I was in Garden. Maybe Squall knew I would eventually come back and told someone to deliver it here. I lie down on the bed and stare at the ceiling. Did Squall still have feelings for me like messenger girl and Cowboy were saying? I don't want to get my hopes up or anything. But that is the last of my worries right now.

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The sound of knocking wakes me out of the slight sleep that I must have fallen into. I growl, before sitting up. I rub my eyes and walk over to the door. If it is some student council member or junior cadet wanting me to join this or buy that, I'll be kicked out before I even officially re-enter.

"The fuck you want?" I growl, throwing the door open. To my surprise, it wasn't a snively little lower member, but the High Commander himself. "To what in Hyne's name do I owe for this little personal visit?" Sarcasm is a wonderful thing.

I get a chilly glare from the brunet before he looks past me, into my dorm. No matter how long I have been away, for Squall that will always mean that he wasn't some privacy. Now who am I to piss in fate's cheerios?

I slowly step aside and allow him entrance. Silently he walks into closet sized excuse for a room. I close and lock the door, unable to face my rival now that we are in my room, alone, and with out the urgency to fuck. Or at least, not a mutual urgency. I hear the desk chair slide against the tile floor, an indication that things have definitely changed. I let out a sigh and turn back towards the room. Squall is of course, sitting at the desk, but instead of staring into the exciting void of nothingness, he is admiring Hyperion.

"You're certainly taken good care of her. The energy crystals give her a lot of extra power." He whispers, lightly touching the shimmering blade with a gloved finger.

"Cut the chit-chat, Leonheart. Why the fuck are you here? I'm sure that every new SeeD doesn't get a personal visit from the High Commander. What makes me so fucking special?" I growl, with a little more malice in my voice then actually necessary. But after everything that has gone down today, I think I deserve to be a little bit hateful towards him. After all, it's his fault that I am actually here.

Squall only turns to look at me with a glare.

"Remember, Leonheart. I'm completely immune to every single one of you glares." I smirk, causing Squall's eyes to widen, but the scowl to remain.

"Fine then, Almasy." Squall looked at me with an odd look on his face. "I just came to tell you that I worked everything out with Zell, Quistis and Dante about your arrival and SeeDship."

"Oh, yay for me. I feel so much more welcome here now that Chickie, Trepe and Dumbass accept me." I snarl sarcastically.

"They are Captains Dincht, Trepe and Anrone to you, Almasy." Squall glares at me, despite my earlier warning.

"Captain Anrone? Did he earn that rank or did you so generously bestow it upon him?"

"I didn't come here to argue with you, Seifer." Squall stands up from my desk and looks over towards me with a hard expression.

I match his look. "Then enlighten me, Squall. Why the fuck are you here?" He did something that I was not expecting. With purpose, he walks over to me, not stopping until we are nearly chest to chest. He looks up at me with determination, and then shoves something up against me. I instinctively grab the papers from his hand.

"Here are your GF release forms. You have Cerberus and Alexander at your disposal. Use them wisely." With that, Squall turns and begins to walk towards the door. I let out a sigh, before reaching out and grabbing his wrist.

"Squall, wait." I sigh, not feeling him resist.

"You've already made your feeling about being here known, Seifer. Why should I wait?" Squall manages to get his arm free from my loose grip, and then crosses his arms over his chest while standing there in front of me.

For the first time since he entered my room, I look directly into his face, and in turn into his eyes. The stormy grey is the never ending void that I would like to get lost in for the rest of eternity.

"I just wanted to say that I'm sorry. I've been a jackass to you since I arrived and you haven't been the one to deserve it." There, I did it. I apologized. I guess it wasn't too hard. Even if I can't have him as my own, at least I can clear the water.

Squall arches an eyebrow in disbelief. "You're apologizing? Seifer Almasy does not apologize."

I roll my eyes at Squall's comment. I should have expected that. "So I've learned a little bit of humility over the past year. When the difference between eating or not depends on you being nice, you learn it quite quickly. Even a delinquent like me." I laugh, despite the mood.

"Well, congratulations." He whispers softly, staring up at me. He doesn't say another word as he steps closer, effectively closing the gap between us. I can't find any words to say at the moment, something about his eyes have me captivated. My mind all of a sudden decides to take a southern vacation, and my thoughts turn to a less innocent set. All I can picture are the creamy thighs, the pale flesh, the glittering sweat. I feel the response to those thoughts, and pray that Squall doesn't notice and just leaves. But I have no such luck.

But my luck is about to change.

Without warning, I have my arms full of a certain brunet, pink lips suddenly crushed against my own. An arm travels to the back of my head, and I feel the gloved fingers run through my short blond hair, pushing our mouths closer together. With the renewed closeness, the welcoming feel of his lips parting give me all the incentive I need to thrust my tongue out to meet his. To my disappointment, it never comes.

Squall becomes dead weight in my arms, and I support him the best I can before we both fall to our knees. I can feel him tremble in my arms and his breaths are becoming more laboured and rigid.

"Squall?" I ask, still a little out of breath from the sudden kiss.

"I…I…" he stutters, pushing my arms off of him. I pull back and he instantly wraps his arms around his legs.

"Dammit." I whisper, before punching the floor. I can't believe that he fucking just did that.

"Seifer…I…" he still is to shaken to finish sentences.

"Just go, Squall. Obviously, you should just go back to him. It's over between us." As much as it hurts me to say this, it's clear to me that there is no way he can be mine anymore. I pull myself up off the floor, and take my GF release permit, hiding behind the excuse of putting it on my desk. "I'll see you around." I can't find it in me to watch him leave me, again. It's silent for a time and I stare only at the wall ahead of me.

"We should spar again sometime." The soft voice startles me, but I still don't turn to look at him.

With that, I hear my door slide open and closed once more, signalling that Squall has left me alone with my thoughts. But it is his last comment that surprised me the most. Even though he jumped me after only moments alone with me, and had a breakdown only moments later, he wants to spend more time with me alone. I think that things might just be starting to go my way.

And it also means something else. Something that makes me extremely happy. The way that Squall jumped on my like that causes me to question the state of Squall's relationship with Dante. And who am I to just sit back and watch when someone I have know practically my whole life is going through a bad relationship? I should take it upon myself to make sure that Squall is nothing but happy. And if I have anything to do with it, I will be part of the happiness in the end too.

That kiss told me all I needed to know. Messenger and Cowboy were partially right. Squall does still feel something for me, and I need that something in my life from him. It's no longer a want, or a need, but a lifeline. With out him in my life, I won't be alive at all. And I only want one thing.

I wanna feel alive.

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Excuse Warning!

Sorry about the delay. I've been in the hospital with a viral infection and school just started….but I hope to get the next chapter out really soon. Please don't hate me….But I hope I am appeasing some of you with this turn of events, lol. Once again, everything that happened here was scripted from the beginning. Oh, and for those of you who are wondering why Rinoa wasn't in this chapter…lets just say I'll explain it later. Smiles! Please Review and tell me what you think! Later!


	5. Chapter 5

Dirty Little Secret: Chapter Five

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Don't own them, never will. Unless Square wants to share….Please?

PS. This is Yaoi. If you don't like it, don't read it!

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Hit The Lights

And I'll Come Crawling Through Your Window

Tonight

Come On And Send The Sign

I'll Be Your Dirty Little Secret

And You'll Be Mine

Bon Jovi, "Dirty Little Secret"

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If there is one thing that I hate more than being back at lovely Balamb-G, its mornings. And Administration Personal are the worst. Why do they always hire the most fucking cheerful people to do those jobs? It seems that my day can't really get much worse. I've been assigned to do a week long investigation mission at the Centra Ruins starting in two weeks. Yippee. I can hardly contain myself. Honestly. And if you believe that, you should be fed to the tonberries. And to top off this wonderful mission that I was assigned, I get to spend the next two weeks training with the other recent SeeD graduates. I hope they realized that I have sparred with their precious High Commander for years and have never lost. I will not hold back on some greenhorns.

I make my way down the bustling corridor, SeeDs and Cadets alike finding out their orders for the day, knowing that in the next couple of months, days or hours, they may be dead.

And why again does this appeal to me?

Knocked out of my reverie by the chime of the elevator doors closing, I curse myself for getting lost in my thoughts again. Hyne, I'm beginning to act a little too Squall like.

"Fuckin' Hyne! Hey, hold the door, will ya?" I call out, hoping that whoever is in the elevator will have some heart as to not make me wait for it to go all the way to the bottom before coming back up. Even though it only takes about five minutes, if that. What can I say? I'm a lazy slacker with absolutely no patients. So sue me.

Much to my relief, I see a gloved hand slip between the closing doors, causing them to open for me. I run into the elevator only to see a single person in there, and just my luck, it's the last person I want to be alone with.

"Ah, Thanks." I mutter before walking directly to the back of the elevator. I don't get a reply, and that doesn't surprise me in the least bit. "I'm heading to the dorms."

Without a word, he presses the button for the first floor and stares at the door. As if staring at the polished metal is going to make it go any faster. The elevator jerks to life, and I am glad for once that there are no stairs going up to the third floor. Riding the elevator gives me a prime opportunity to stare at that leather clad ass. Hey, just because he says he doesn't want me, acts like he doesn't want me, and pretends that he doesn't want me, doesn't give me a reason to stop staring at his ass.

The elevator jumps again, coming to a halt. Great. Just what I need is some junior cadet joining in on this oh so cheerful ride. But oddly enough, the doors don't open. We wait in silence for the doors to open, but after a few minutes, waiting seems to be in vain.

"The fuck? What gives?" I ask, knowing that my chances of getting a response are slim to nil, if the odds are in my favour.

He walks up to the pane and starts pressing the door open button repeatedly. When that doesn't work, he moves to the phone button, emergency button, then all the floor buttons. And just our luck, none of them work. He opens a panel and begins to punch in some random numbers, or a code, but once again, his efforts yield no response. Giving the controls a final glare, the brunet walks over to the escape hatch and begins to pound at it.

Content in leaving him to his ministrations, I start to look around the small box, in hopes of finding out why we have so suddenly stopped.

"Um, I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but I think that we are stuck." I casually point to the normally illuminated display panel, noting that none of the numbers are lit up. This earns me a glare before he returns to trying to move the hatch cover. I roll my eyes at his frivolous attempts, and make my move to open the door. I tighten my gloves before grasping the metallic seam loosely. With a deep breath, I use all my strength to pry the doors apart. Bracing my foot against the frame does little as the doors don't budge. Of all the stinking, rotten luck. Now I mean business. Taking another deep breath, I focus everything into opening the doors. Nothing happens for a few moments until I feel the door finally start to give way. But start is all I can manage. I begin to shake as I feel the strength leave my arms, before they drop and I try to regain control of my breathing. After a minute, I look up to see my progress.

"Fucking Hyne! Today just is not my fucking day!" I curse, seeing the doors open barely a couple of inches. I feel a slight breeze coming through the crack, a bit relieved that we will have a little air circulation in the elevator, depending on how long we are stuck here for. I hear a single puff of air come from the other passenger that is used to signify laughter. "And just what the fuck is so funny? You're stuck in this elevator as much as I am." I growl.

"Whatever." He replies with a roll of his eyes and he turns back to trying to get the escape hatch open.

Sliding down to the floor, I look through the small gap I created. Machinery runs the entire length of the opening. "Lovely. We're stuck completely between floors." Not even a shred of light enters the elevator which means that there is no way to see if there is any help around. "How's that trap door coming along?" Without looking, I can tell that there is still no advance in his progress. The shallow breathing and barely-audible grunts are enough to tell me that. "Might as well give up, Leonheart. We're stuck here until either someone figures out that we are stuck in here, or someone needs the elevator. Who knows how long that will be?" I groan, tipping my head back. As if my day could get any worse. First Centra, then this? What else, an earthquake?

And almost as if on cue, there is a whirling noise and the lights die. Fucking Hyne, I have got to stop thinking things like that. It seems to be bad for my self control.

"Who hit the lights?" I growl at no one in particular, pissed off enough to take on an entire heard of T-Rexaurs single handed. A pale green light illuminates the small space, confirming my worst fears.

The fucking power has gone out.

"Dammit. I hear Squall's soft voice some from the direction of the trap door. And with that, I watch him stand up, take the two steps available to him, before sitting down against the wall opposite me. He refrains from making eye contact with me, meaning that he is extremely uncomfortable in here with me. Heh, and if he knew what I was thinking, he'd be even more uncomfortable. But that's for another time. So, instead, I'll let us sit in complete silence.

And that lasts for all of five, maybe ten minutes.

"So why'd you give up on that door?" I ask, unable to bare the quietness. Hyne, did I ever pick the wrong guy to get trapped in an elevator with.

"It has an electric sliding mechanism. If there's no power, it won't slide." In true Squall fashion, his explanation is short and straight to the point.

"Well, fuck. I guess that means we're stuck in here together until someone realizes that we are here then." I smirk, just to see what type of reaction I can get out of the brunet. I don't have to wait long. He finally lifts his head to look at me, our eyes ultimately meeting in the harsh lighting. And I am treated to one of the iciest of the iciest Leonheart glares to ever grace Squall's eyes. And that is saying something.

"Can it, Almasy. If you are referring to last night, it was a mistake." He glares daggers at me.

A mistake? "Hold the reins right there. A mistake? First of all, you make it sound like I initiated it. If my memory serves me correctly, I believe that you were the one who jumped me. And second, you obviously were enjoying yourself for a little while. Don't try to play me up as the bad guy, Squall." I growl at him, contemptuously.

"Whatever…" is the only response I get.

"Don't whatever me, Squall. Listen, I'm sorry you got too attached in our little relationship before. But I was only there for the fuck. Don't try to convince yourself that is was any more than that. If you want the flowers, dates, chocolates thing, stick with Dumbass." I can't believe that last night I was almost desperate to have a relationship with the cold bastard.

"Don't talk about things that you know nothing about." The glare is becoming more intense by the second, the tension in the four foot distance between us easily felt.

"Oh, isn't everything with Dante all roses and bubble baths? Or is it that your ass has become too tight from his little dickie that you need a good fuck from a real man?" I can't help but provoke him, my tongue is on pure asshole overdrive. My brain wandered off to the world unknown a long time ago. I wish it would learn to regulate what my tongue flaps out before I lose this guy forever.

I see a slight flinch in his shoulders, barely noticeable in the pale light under the large leather jacket that he wears. I mentally yell at myself to shut the fuck up, but for some reason my mouth just keeps going with out stopping.

"Oh, it isn't all peachy, is it? What, can't get it up for him? Aren't you his only little bitch? What is it, Squall? Tell me if I'm getting warm here. Cause to me, it sounds like you were doing so much better with me." The malice literally drips off my words. Surely Galbadia has a big enough rock that I can go crawl under and die after we get out of this fucking elevator. Why does everything happen when I'm in a confined place with him during a power outage?

"I said, shut up!" Squall returns with a glare.

"Not until you answer my question." I spit back. "We've evidently got some fucking time to waste. Just let me know when I start to get close." Needing to feel in control of the situation, I rise from my seated position, to glare at him from above. I'm met almost immediately with him joining me on his feet.

"Stay the fuck out of my life. You are no longer part of it." The glare increases ten fold, but Squall's entire exterior is calm and collected. So like him, and that make me that much more pissed off. Not wanting to show submission, I continue.

"Oh, so that means you don't want me to come crawling through your window tonight then." I pout a little, just for effect. And the next thing I know, I see a fist come flying towards my face. My reflexes still sharp from staying on the run, I catch the punch before it hits its intended target of my nose.

Squall's face is blank, but those stormy eyes are afire with rage. It's time like this that I wish I could look into his mind and find out exactly what he is thinking. I can see his shoulders rising and falling rapidly, and his heavy breathing betrays his calm exterior. With his wrist still clutched in my hand, I stare at him in silence, only the sound of our breathing is able to be heard. When Squall doesn't try to wrestle his arm free, I know that he means business, and if I release his hand, it will probably resume its former course.

Not seeing how this will get us anywhere, I take a deep breath and loosen my grip. Not enough to have him wrench his arm free, but enough that I won't break it with a single move. I sigh and rub my eyes with my free hand, trying to think of the best possible course of action.

"Squall, listen. We're too old to be exchanging blows over my stupidity." I tell him, releasing his arm, ready to catch it the moment it starts to fly at me again. "We're going to be stuck here for a little while it seems. Let's try to be a bit more reasonable here."

"Reasonable? You want to be reasonable, Almasy? Then let me show you how reasonable you've been to me over the last year." With that, he turns around and makes his way to the other side of the small box, sitting down, in turn ignoring me completely.

"Fuck, all I want to do here is talk to you, Squall." I growl, pissed off at the self absorbed prick that is sitting less then an arms length away from me. But he may as well be a million miles away now that he is in one of those moods. I didn't like it then, and I sure as hell like it even less now. Hyne dammit. I lean my forehead against the cold steel of the door, hoping that the metal will help me think a little more clearly. Taking a deep breath, I mentally prepare what I am going to say to him. There's no doubt in my mind now that the little bastard still holds some sort of feelings towards me, other then contempt. Why else would he have said that stuff about being reasonable? And if he truly hated me and did not want me around, why would he have readmitted me to the Garden against the wishes off all of his friends? The only question that still remains is how deeply do the feelings still run? Does he want a relationship or just a fuck buddy again? Hyne, what I wouldn't give to be able to get inside that head of his. For just a few moments, to see what he is thinking, to know exactly how he feels.

Letting out a deep sigh, I sit down beside him, without as much as a twitch of an eyebrow of acknowledgement from him.

"Squall, listen, I fucked up. But you already know that. I've fucked up beyond all redemption. I fucked up at Garden, I fucked up being a so called witch's lap dog, and I fucked up at life in general. And as cheesy as it sounds, I fucked up on us. I saw what we had as a chance to release some of the hormones that I developed, or as one more place to be able to dominate you. Obviously, you thought of it as something more. I didn't realize just how much you had become attached to me. Because the whole time, I was trying to undo how much I had become attached to you, Squall." I rub my leather clad hand through my short blond hair, my thoughts becoming a steaming pile of shit in my head all of a sudden. "I had thought of a million things to say to you if the chance ever arose, but I can't remember any of them. All I want to know though is your thoughts on us." Clasping my hands in front of me, I don't look over at him, the glare I feel upon my shoulder enough to tell me that he is looking at me with only pure rage.

"Us?" is his only response, and it is lace to the teeth with malice.

"Yeah, us, Squall." I growl. "Who the fuck else would I be talking about. " I turn my head towards him, intent on glaring right back at him, but I quickly turn back. I hear him let out a sigh, hopefully gathering his thoughts.

"What do you want me to tell you, Seifer? That I'm madly in love with you, that I won't be able to live without you by my side? Because I'm not going to. I've moved on."

I let out a sigh, knowing that this is not going to go the way that I wanted.

"Then what about last night? You were the one who fuckin' jumped me last night, not the other way around. Let me fucking know, or send me a sign or what ever! Just let me know if I have a fucking chance with you, Squall."

"A chance? A fucking chance, Seifer?" Then the stoic man does something completely unexpected. He starts to laugh. Not loudly, or maniacally, but shorts breaths of air in rapid succession. "You want another fucking chance after admitting that you took everything in a two year relationship for granted? You want me to forget everything that you have done to hurt me, just like that? Or did you expect me to just bend over and beg for you to ram your cock up my ass?"

"Just answer the question, Squall." I growl, trying to ignore the comments he's making. Everything he is saying is true, as much as it pains me to say so. I had almost expected him to welcome me with open arms and forgiveness. But I am a fool. Always have been, probably always will be. And Hyne knows that Squall is all too familiar with that fact. Then in true Squall fashion, his mood does a complete 360.

"You want an answer, Seifer? Fine." His voice has returned to its famous monotonous level as his glare increases. "I fucking miss what we had. I waited for you after the war. I sent out search parties, and called off bounties on your head. And I didn't even know if you had made it out of time compression, let alone if you were alive." He drops back to the floor, as if that small admission had drained the rest of his strength. But knowing Squall like I do, it just might have. But I ma surprised at this information. He had bounties called off, not even knowing if I was alive?

Holy mother fucking Hyne. I have seriously screwed up.

"But you couldn't wait forever." I mumble, feeling guiltier by the second. Fuck, by now I probably fucked up beyond all redemption.

"No, I couldn't. Selphie and Irvine noticed all this, and took it upon themselves to help me. So Selphie introduced me to Dante. He reminded me of you, so I found comfort in him." I slide down the wall beside the man I once called lover. Refusing to meet my gaze again, the brunet looks at his folded hands, for lack of more interesting objects to look at in this powerless elevator. I however, enjoy the sight of a not so stoic Squall.

"I'm nothing like that fucking prick." I growl, not at all amused by Squall's comparison of myself and Dumbass.

"Older, dominating, bully. You two are more alike than either of you will ever know. But, I digress. I couldn't wait forever, Seifer. So Dante and I got together. I learned that there was so much more to life then pinning over an unrequited love. It took me a little while, but I have moved on." I know now that I am in the presence of my Squall. Not the Squall that everyone else gets, but the Squall I had, when it was just us alone, after sex. I shake my head to get rid of the visions of fucking Squall, knowing that this is neither the time nor the place.

"So I am wasting my time. You're happy with Dante. That still doesn't explain why you jumped me last night." I point out, still slightly confused. I look over at the brunet lion, who is just looking at his feet.

I sit in the silence, waiting for his response. If I can get an answer out of him, it would put my thoughts to rest, provided that I accept the answer, which I might not. We sit there for what seems like forever before he makes any noise.

"Am I?" he whispers, and I'm not sure if it is to me, or to himself. Why would he question something like that? The way he has been acting over the last couple of days has been really odd. I close my eyes momentarily and take a deep breath. Now, I have my conscience clawing to get out. Do I convince Squall that he'll only ever be happy with me, or do I let him find out for himself? What if I choose the latter and find out that he is happy with Dante? The silence overtakes us once more, myself sitting there and collecting my thoughts, Squall sitting there, Hyne knows what going through that pretty little head of his. Time has almost come to a complete stand still, and still there is no sound to indicate that any one has realized yet that we were stuck in the elevator. Sitting in that silence, a thought hits me with the force of a heard of chocobos on the run from a behemoth. An idea that wouldn't rack me with guilt or push Squall into a relationship, or out of one that unfortunately might be the right thing for him. But Hyne be damned if Dante is the right thing for Squall. Just the thought of that bastard, confirmed that I was doing the right thing.

"Squall…" I trail off, hoping that I wasn't going to startle him too much from his silent reverie. Without a sound, and with almost deliberate slowness, the stormy-eyed man turned to me. "Listen, ignore everything that has happened between us for the past year. Ignore, but don't forget it. Because shit happens that you can't forget, but let's put it behind us." I say, although it seems like the millionth time that either of us have said that phrase, or a variation of it over the past couple of days. "For once, ignore everything else and everyone else. Think of only yourself. Hyne knows that you fucking deserve to be selfish once in your life. Do what you want to do, not what Dante wants you to do, not what I want to you to do, not even what Chicken Wuss wants you to do. Do what your heart wants you to do. Whatever you choose, choose it for yourself." I know that I am sounding corny as fucking hell, but it just might work in my favour.

"What I want?" he whispers, and I let him sit in the silence for a few moments, thinking over what I have just said. But I don't let it last too long.

"So, if you choose to go with Dante, I'll forgive you. I have been fucking awful towards you for far longer than necessary. And if you have moved on, I'll deal with it. It'll hurt, that's for damn sure, but I will deal with it. And everything that has ever happened between us will be a secret. No one will ever know that there was anything else between us other than a heated rivalry." I ignore the feel of Squall's laser like gaze bearing down on me. I continue to look only at the scuffed toe of my black boot, not planning on speaking again until Squall does. And it will be up to him if the words will come from a rival, or a lover. I plan to give him all the time he needs to come to his decision. And hopefully this little speech of mine will show him that I will care for him more than Dante ever could, and that not only will I care about him, but also for his wellbeing and his sanity. It is a death like silence, and it was fucking freaking me out. As much as I was hoping for the answer I want to hear, I also somewhat expected a punch. I would offer no resistance, and allow the strike to land.

I was completely taken by surprise when no hurtful words or flying fists came my way when he finally spoke up. As far as I could tell, there were only words of truth.

"I want to be happy. With choices that I have made." He still speaks in hushed tones, as I turn to look carefully at him. Although his face is still blank, his brow is no longer knitted together with thought and frustration. It's then that I realize that he has already made his decision, and he might just share it with me. I look at him, taking in every detail, every line, every angle of his face, hoping that his choice would not disappoint me. Squall looks up at me, our eyes locked in a gaze, sending me into a trance like state where all I could see was Squall.

We were so intent in our gaze, that I didn't even notice that Squall was slowly moving towards me. And it all climaxed as his lips touched mine with the gentleness of a feather. It was nothing like the one the previous night. That one had been fuelled by rage and passion, while this one was driven only by Squall. It was a very chaste kiss, and I allowed it only to go where Squall wanted to take it, and it seemed that this was as far as it would get. No raw passion, no frantic need for sex. Just a light kiss that may have lasted for mere seconds, but felt like the bright sunshine that was eternity.

"Seifer?" Squall questioned, breaking the kiss and looking at me straight in the eyes.

"You said that you'd be my dirty little secret…" the brunet at my side didn't move closer, but also didn't scurry away like I half expected him too. This was a huge step in my favour, although it didn't seem like that much.

"Of course." I reply quickly.

"Can you keep it for a couple days, just while I straighten out everything that is running around in my head?" His question was sincere, and as if it had been a sign from the great Hyne above, the lights came back on in a blinding flash and the elevator jumped to life.

I stand up, and extend a hand to help the brunet up, which he gratefully accepts.

"No problem, I'll be your secret. And you'll be mine." I grin, meaning the phrase in more than one way. Things were finally starting to look a lot better.

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I'm still alive!!! Yes, I know that it has been over six months since the last update, but my life has basically been turn over upside down since the last update…a broken pelvic bone, overload of school work, getting out of a long term relationship….you know all the normal stuff that fucks your life over. Thank you so much for all you out there who gave me your support, you know who you are! Anyway, now that my muses have returned from where ever they ran off to, I was finally able to get this chapter done! I love Seifer mood swings! ) He tries so hard to be the bad boy, but all he wants is love sigh And, the next chapter is almost half finished, so I promise that it won't take me nearly as long to put that one up.

Speaking of the next chapter, it will be the last one! That chapter will answer all those annoying questions that have been plaguing everyone's mind…and I also have an idea about a one shot epilogue that I think I might explore…provided I get the support that people would want one. So, please R&R! Until next time, I be out!


	6. Chapter 6

13

Dirty Little Secret: Chapter Six

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Don't own them, never will. Unless Square wants to share….Please?

PS. This is Yaoi, in a new Lemony fresh scent! And if you didn't get that subtle hint, turn around and go read a G rated Squinoa….ewwwwww.

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You've Got Me

Knock, Knock, Knocking

At Your Door

And I'll Keep Coming Back For More

We Made A Promise And We'll Keep It

Our Dirty Little Secret

Bon Jovi, "Dirty Little Secret"

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The next couple of days seem to fly by in a blur, and because of that, I haven't had a chance to see Squall at all. I wish that I could just march right up to him and demand an answer. Because lets face it, a choice between me and Dante? How hard can that be? I have asked both Selphie and Irvine about the brunet lion's whereabouts, but neither of them seemed to have an answer for me. It caught me completely off guard when I actually made it down to breakfast yesterday morning, and they were still being civil to me. Selphie seems to be able to see the good in everyone, and she also seems to have taken a liking to me, and as much as I hate to admit it, the little imp has started to grow on me. Even her cowboy boyfriend has some good qualities about him, and the couple have adopted me readily into their circle, whether or not I really like it. But what the hell, everyone could use a friend or two. Now with that, I think I'm about to hurl.

I am currently lying alone in my dorm room, still playing what happened in the elevator over and over again in my head. As much as I can't believe that he might come back to me, I know that I really don't deserve him. Deciding against analyzing the situation for the millionth time, I clear my mind of all thoughts, not that hard, to prepare for junctioning Alexander before I have to spar against those damn greenhorns. Trust me when I say that it is not even remotely as fun as it sounds.

I lay there in complete silence, the room brightening more and more with each passing minute. Fuck, it's not even 09:00hrs and I am already in a pissed off mood, thinking about having to deal with those snivelling, snot nosed little runts. Those little fuckers, most of them only joined Garden because of Squall and his stupid "I gotta save the world" mind set. Still, since the war, Garden has yet to produce a single gunblade master since Squall graduated, no matter how many start on the gunblade. Not counting myself, of course.

The silence drags on, and I almost begin to pray to Hyne for something to happen, just to have the noise. And as if my unspoken prayer has been answered, a knocking on my door breaks me out of my silence. I jump off the bed, excited that there was actually something going on around here. But more importantly, I hope that it might be Squall, telling me that he is breaking up with Dante and coming back to me. Hey, a guy can dream, can't he?

Although the dorm room is extremely small, it feels as if it takes a lifetime to reach the door. I try to compose myself enough to not act as if I was waiting for this all day. I smooth off my black t-shirt, and take a deep breath before stepping on the sensor pad. The door slides open, leaving me speechless at what I see there.

Nothing. Absolutely nothing. Fuck this.

I curiously look down the hallway and back, both ends eerily deserted. Cursing a colourful curse that would make even the foulest mouthed White SeeD blush, I turn around and begin the trek back to gazing aimlessly off into space from my bed. As I am almost completely into the dorm, something catches my eye attached to the door frame. A small piece of paper, no writing on the outside, folded to be about the size of an ID card. Once again, out of habit, I look both ways down the hall, only to see no one. The fuck? Who could have put it there? Giving up quickly, I grab the note off the door and step fully into my room before opening the note. There, in familiar, compact scrawl are five simple words.

My room. Ten Minutes. Squall.

Holy fucking Hyne. I think my heart may have just stopped there for a few seconds. This is the answer that I have been waiting for! His impromptu invitation must mean that he has made a decision. I only hope that it is the one that I will like. I can hardly contain myself to wait the prescribed ten minutes, but I mentally give my head a slap. I have got to be calm, I don't need to scare him off, or make him regret his decision. Wait, I don't even know if that is why he is calling me to his room. Hyne knows what he actually wants, despite my hearts eagerness. For all that I know, he is calling me in for official SeeD business. Not likely. I sit down on my bed, choosing to count to a thousand before heading over to his place.

317…this is getting really boring. Anything else that I could do to waste another…six minutes? I could start thinking about the really hot make up sex that we're going to have. I smirk at the thought. Well, I have a year of celibacy behind me, and I can't wait to have his creamy skin begging to be fucked, licked, bit…You name it, and he'd thoroughly consider it before rejection. And some of the things that I actually got him to try…593…a pink apron comes to mind, and I find myself assaulted with thoughts of an impure nature. Hyne, these thoughts are making me horny. I'm really starting to pray that he has chosen me, just so I can fuck him! 784…I don't even want to consider what will happen if he chooses to stay with Dante…856…At least nine minutes have passed without me resorting to speeding up the clocks…920…Close fucking enough. I jump off the bed and walk, yes walk, out into the hallway and down the corridors to the High Commander's quarters. No need to let the rest of Garden know that I am on my way to fuck their precious commander senseless.

I think the lion was taking into consideration that something like this might happen when my room assignment was made. I'm literally only like four doors down the hall from him. That gives me an explanation on how I found the note, but there was no one around to have delivered it. The little bastard must have gotten back into his room before I was able to get to the door. I step in front of the entrance to his room, and quietly knock three times, just like before, when we were younger. I patiently wait, using every ounce of my will power to stand still. After what feels like an eternity, but was really only like a few moments, the door slides open into a darkened room. Knowing Squall, he was doing this so there would be no possible way for someone to spy on us, however much the boy is an exhibitionist. He'd let me fuck him anywhere there was even a chance that there would be someone to overhear us. Said that it added to the thrill. I step into the darkness, and the door slides closed behind me, blocking out the only source of light, and engulfing everything in the blackness.

"Squall?" I whisper into the darkness, for the first time, a thought runs through my head that it might be Dante setting me up in a trap. I'm completely unarmed, because who in Hyne's name needs a gunblade to fuck someone? Don't answer that.

"You came." The familiar voice of my lion comes from somewhere in the tiny room. With the darkness so encompassing, I can't even make out where he is.

"You doubted I would?" I smirk, although I know that he can't see it. Before I can get another word in, I get a body thrown at me, my reactions still sharp enough to catch him. And to my surprise, my bare hands come in contact with skin, not the normal leather that I am used to.

"Seifer…" he trails off breathlessly, before crushing his lips against mine. I guess it's safe to assume that he has chosen me over Dante. What a pity. I start responding immediately to him, wrapping my arms around his naked torso, running my hands down his smooth back, before coming to rest on his ass, his very naked ass. This is fucking awesome! I feel his tongue rubbing against my teeth, franticly begging for entrance to my mouth. Too horny to bother with teasing, I instantly thrust my tongue out into his awaiting mouth. Needing to prove that I am the dominating one in this relationship, I take all control of the kiss. Lifting him so his feet are no longer touching the floor, I spin us around so that Squall is trapped between me and the wall. As if it were a cue, I feel Squall wrap his legs around my hips, locking his ankles around my waist. With that, I can feel his cock, semi hard, pushing against mine, which is still in its cloth confines. But it shouldn't be trapped in clothes for much longer. He wraps his arms around my neck, his fingers instantly seeking out my hair.

My tongue is locked in a passionate dance of lust and emotion, my actions mirrored by his tongue. The soft pink organ stroking mine as I attempt to taste every nook and cranny of his mouth. He tastes exactly like I remember, cinnamon and leather. Every thrust of my tongue is met with force and lust, but it just isn't enough for Squall.

Just like our first night together, he starts to trust his hips, in a mimic of our duelling tongues. Oh sweet Hyne above! I honestly think that I am going to cum right this second. Here I am, after a year of running, locked in an embrace with the only person that I think I could ever love, and he is naked, grinding his hard cock into my equally hard erection, and testing my restraint. I don't want to come this way. I'd rather be inside him in any way. I need to feel him that way.

"Holy fuck, Squall." I breathe heavily; finally breaking the kiss, but continue to hold his body closely to mine.

He throws his head back, calling out my name as he does so. By now, I am as hard as a rock, and am almost desperate for any type of release. But I won't submit to him like that, instead, I will focus on his pleasure. Still sandwiched between myself and the wall, Squall uses every bit of strength that he has to produce friction between our bodies. I give into the requests of my body and begin to meet his hips, thrust for thrust. Squall's reaction to my movements is to rake his fingernails over my shoulders, piercing the flesh, even through the black shirt that I am wearing. And the denim jeans that I have on have become way to confining.

"Hyne!" I whisper as Squall's lips move from mine, leaving a trail of moisture along my cheek, up to my ear, where he places a single kiss on my earlobe, then moves back down to my jawbone. His tongue darts out of his mouth, and outlines the bone, before he bares his teeth and starts to nibble at my flesh. He alternates between kisses, and taking small portions of my skin between his teeth and using his tongue on the trapped skin that would make even the loosest whore scream like a virgin. And it was causing an even stronger reaction in me.

I have lost absolutely all coherent thought now, focused only on the naked man in front of me, and how best to move this from the wall to the bed that is not five feet from us. I need to feel his body writhing underneath me, almost as proof that this is all real, and that it is not some stupid trick that my body is playing on me.

"Seifer…"he moans in the husky voice of pleasure he uses only when he is close to cumming. I abruptly stop my thrusting, leaving him moving against me alone. This causes a whimper to escape his throat, as his hands make their way back into my hair, pulling roughly at the short blond strands.

"Shh." I whisper, wrapping my arms around him, more firmly that before, in turn pushing him even closer to my body and leaving him no room to trust against me. A moan of desperation comes from him, and that causes me to smirk. "We're just going to the bed, okay?" I ask and not waiting for a response, and not even really expecting one. I feel him nod against my cheek, before I move away from the wall and turning to face the dark room. Now there is only one small problem, I don't know if the bed is on the right or on the left. "Squall, which way is the bed?" I whisper, as his lips have attached themselves to my collarbone, creating a suction that will most definitely leave a mark come the morning.

Once again, proving why he is such a good bed partner, Squall holds my neck tighter, before extending one leg out behind us. He is only being supported by his arms around my neck, and mine around his waist. After a mere moment of being uncomfortable as his foot searches for its mark, the small room is flooded by a bright light. I snap my eyes shut to block out the intruding light, and I feel Squall wrap his leg against me once more.

"Fucking Hyne. Warn a guy next time." I grumble, squinting to allow my eyes to adjust to the bright white light. And just being Squall, the boy is not affected in the least bit by the sudden change in lighting. He just resumes his actions on my collarbone, occasionally moving closer to my throat. After what seems like forever, my eyes finally focus and I am able to see the mop of brown hair in front of my face, the strands tickling my nose as he relentlessly attacks my neck and throat.

"Squall…"I trail off, my voice horse with want and need. All I want to do is look into those endless grey eyes and determine if this is what Squall really wants. I feel the soft lips let go of my neck and slowly he begins to look up at me. A scarlet flush is staining his alabaster cheeks, the breath passing through his lips rapidly, giving the impression that he just ran a marathon. But there is something odd about this picture. His cloud eyes are fixed on me and me alone, but that is not what is unusual.

There is no scar between his eyes.

"The fuck?" I murmur, the euphoria of the sexual high a few moments ago completely leaving my body.

"Is something wrong?" He asks, a look of confusion on his face replacing his high.

"Your scar. What the hell happened?" I demand, pushing him away. I feel his legs unwind, before setting on the floor. He removes his arms from around my neck and steps back.

"Scar? What scar, Seifer?" he is puzzled by my questions, that's for sure. He looks at me with a strange look on his face, almost as if he doesn't recognize me.

I curiously raise an eyebrow. "What scar? The same fucking scar that you gave me a year ago. Why the fuck are you playing dumb with me?" I growl, the mood completely ruined. To prove a point, I put a finger to my own nose, running down my own scar, the same way that Squall does when he's nervous. But there is a small problem.

I have no scar.

"What the fuck is going on here?" I demand of the brunet, looking at the rest of his body for the first time since the lights have come on. Besides the facial scar that is missing, many other scars that he should have are missing as well. All the odd marks that I had noticed during our fight months ago are completely gone, the skin no longer flawed, but now in pristine condition. Almost like when we first got together. I begin to contemplate these events in my head, when there is a knock on the door behind me.

Squall nods, then gestures at the door. He wants me to open the door with him standing there butt naked at full mast? Oh, well. It's his dignity, not mine. I turn around and step on the sensor pad to open the door….

Only to fall off the bed.

I shake my head to clear my vision, my hand automatically reaching up to feel the scar that is indeed still there.

Hyne dammit. It was all just a very, very enjoyable dream. The knock comes upon my door once again and from my position on the floor, I just glare at the door, wishing that whoever is at the door will take a hint and go away. I pick myself up off the floor and take a glance out the window. I must not have been asleep for that long, because the sun hasn't even hit its peek. This also means that I have yet to miss my practice session with the brats. Great.

Someone knocks at my door for a third time, and with a growl and a sneer, I walk over to the door and cause it to open. And if my day isn't bad enough already, my absolute favourite person in the world is standing there waiting for me.

A snarl on his face, the dark haired dumbass is standing, unwelcome, in my doorway. "When someone knocks at your door, you should fuckin' open it." He growls with a self assured sense of authority. I guess he doesn't realize that I don't really get along with authoritive figures. Heh.

"If you were wanted here, I might have. But as it stands, I only answered to tell you to get the fuck out of here." I put on a mask of indifference. The last thing I need is for him to think that he frightens me. Oh, don't get me wrong, he doesn't scare me, but it scares the fuck out of me that something that big, dumb and ugly is able to function. But that is probably too complicated for him to comprehend. I'll have to remember to use only small words.

"Can it, you Hyne-be-damned lapdog. You may have won Squall over as an ally, but I know that you'll be showing your fangs to him soon enough. And then he'll see you as the worthless fucker that you are." He stands up to his full height, and I think that the bastard is trying to intimidate me. Huh, I guess he doesn't realize that when you have a maniacally insane sorceress bent on world domination take over your life, he actually seems quite pathetic to me. I can't help but laugh.

"Does your asshole streak come with an on switch? Because I'm not sure if you've frightened the fluffy white kittens yet, fuckface. Now either tell me whatever you were sent to tell me, or get the fuck away from my doorway."

His snarl increases, giving him the impression of a drunken wendigo, real attractive, I know. Then without warning, Dumbass stretches out an arm and slams me into the wall, with enough force for me to say that it might have possibly almost hurt. But I won't give him that satisfaction. So, trying to earn a reaction, I offer no resistance.

"Where the fuck is Squall?" the words are dripping with hate and a weaker person would have crumpled miserably by now, but like hell am I weak.

Now isn't this a pleasant turn of events. It seems that the brunet lion is not only holing himself up from me, but from this bastard as well.

"Aww, you miss him?" I reply with a sarcastic innocence. I reach up and grab the wrist that has me pinned to the wall, my hand barely able to encircle the thick appendage. I give it a quick jerk, not enough to break it, but enough to cause him to drop the hold that he has on me. I drop to the floor, but manage to stay standing.

"I know the little bitch was with you the other day in the elevator. Now where the fuck is he?" Great. He's a mindless ape with a one track mind.

I smirk, and then offer a scoff to the black haired man. "You think that if he was here, I would have answered the door? I'd be fucking that tight little ass as we speak. 'Cause I'll keep coming back for more of that ass."

"Fuck off! He's my bitch now, and you have caused me nothing but trouble since you came back. He was so easy to control before. But you've made the little prick develop a fucking backbone. All it used to take was a little love tap to make him as compliant as a broken horse. Now thanks to you, I have to teach him his place more often." Dante growls at me with a sadistic grin. The rage in his blood coloured eyes plain for anyone to see. Am I hearing him correctly? Did this bastard just admit to abusing my lion? All I can see is red, as I lose control over my body and all the hate I could ever possess channels into my body right now.

Before I know what I am doing, my arm pulls back on what seems like its own accord, and my fist is flying at his fucking face. I connect with his check, a little off target, but it has enough force to end him sprawling into the hallway.

"You mother fucking jackass of a bastard!" I scream in fury that I have never known myself to have and charge at the bulky man, my fists held high. Just as I am about to connect with the other side of the bastard's face, his foot connects with my knee and I crumble to the floor where he is sprawled. Heh, bad move on his part. I fly at him once again, attacking relentlessly, but it seems like I may have finally found an opponent that is not afraid to fight back. The jackass seems to land as many punches on me as I land on him. My sanity is lost as I let blind rage dictate my movements. I've lost all track of time, my attention focused on nothing other than the fucker in front of me, and trying to turn him into a living pulp. I don't want him dead, strange enough, I want him alive so he can endure what he has been putting Squall through. Just as I bring my arm back to throw another punch, a set of arms are wrapped around my own, and someone with incredible strength holds me back. I don't like this turn of events.

"Let go of me!" I snarl, fighting with all my might against the restraining arms. The person holding me only responds by holding me tighter.

"Seifer, calm down!" Selphie jumps between myself and Dante, and seeing her instead of the large bastard, calms my rage slightly, at least enough to know not to pummel her for getting in the way. "He's not worth being kicked out of Garden." I feel a pulling behind me, and in my stupor, I am dragged backwards, Selphie being sure to remain in my line of sight. I stop struggling as much as I am dragged into the dorm room and then ungracefully shoved onto the bed in a slight heap by my captor, who I am pretty sure must be Irvine. Selphie follows us into the room and lets the door close behind us. Oddly enough, the blind rage has faded enough for me to function. I take a deep breath and Cowboy enters my vision, confirming my assumption before I finally make a sound.

"Give me one good reason why I shouldn't give the bastard a good introduction to Hyperion." I say through clenched teeth.

"You know he's not worth it. Besides, you don't want to get blood on those nice white walls." The short brunette smiles at me, but for the first time that I can remember, it doesn't reach all the way to her eyes.

"The bastard has been abusing Squall! Of course he fucking deserves it!" I growl, jumping to my feet, before Irvine shoves me back down with a glare.

"We only just found out about that too, but there are better ways to address the situation. Ways that won't result in your dismissal from Garden." For a man of almost a few words as Squall, if the cowboy puts any force behind his words, you listen.

"Irvy's right. Squall left yesterday. He left a letter addressed to us telling us everything." The permanent smile that is forever gracing Selphie's features is completely gone. "He just said that he would be using some of his vacation time and would get in touch with someone soon. And Squall hasn't taken some vacation time since just after the Rinoa incident." A glimmer of the normal Selphie appears in her eyes momentarily before fading quickly.

"Rinoa incident?" I ask out of curiosity, in spite of the situation at hand. The poor girl, Rinoa has been turned into a bit of a Garden joke, anytime someone does something really stupid, they've pulled a Rinoa, although I have never heard the story of why,

Irvine lets out a deep chuckle before beginning to recite the story. "After Time Compression, she was convinced that she and Squall were meant to be together. You see, Squall told us afterwards that because he was trying to deal with your disappearance, her bossiness reminded him of you, and so he befriended the girl. Anyway, to get to the point, although Squall insisted that he was gay and couldn't love her, she just wouldn't let up." The cowboy just grins and shakes his head.

"Let me tell it from here, Irvy!" The little imp's smile has returned to her. After getting a nod from her boyfriend, Selphie continues the tale. "Any who. So, Squall gets with, well, you know who, and Rinoa still doesn't get off his back. Well, one day, Rinoa decides to give him a wake up call. When she went into his room, she got an eyeful of him getting and assfull!" Selphie giggles before going on. "She just stood there and asked why they were wrestling on the bed!"

And with that, I burst out laughing. "Wrestling?"

"You got it. And all Squall did was glare at her and told her to 'leave him get fucked in peace.' So she comes and tells all of us, and after we explained, she was so embarrassed, she left and hasn't been heard from since."

That is just too hilarious. "She didn't understand when I told her about me, either. I said hello to her once, and I'm surprised that she didn't think that I proposed or something."

"Oh, she did. You should have heard her in when we were Galbadia." Selphie giggled.

"As amusing as all this is, it doesn't help with the current situation. How the hell are we supposed to help Squall if we don't know where he's gone?" I growl, thoughts of Dante's ugly mug coming into my thoughts.

The couple in front of me look at one another in complete seriousness before turning back towards me.

"We've taken the case to Headmaster Cid. We've all suspected it for a while, but where he seemed so happy, we weren't sure. Dante's been bugged for a while. And after a little bit of persuasion from Matron and the letter he left us, and hearing what he told you, Security was on its way down right behind us. He's being stripped of his rank and title before being exiled. He's no longer welcomed anywhere besides D-District Prison, which is where he has conveniently been exiled to." Irvine says sombrely, Selphie nodding in agreement.

"But that doesn't help me in finding Squall." I reply.

"Well…" Selphie trails off as Irvine reaches inside his long duster and pulls out a white envelope.

"This was with the letter that Squall left for us. We respected your privacy, so we didn't read it. But it might have some clues in it." With that, Irvine hands me the letter.

Selphie sends a sad smile towards me, before she pulls at Irvine's arm and they leave my room.

I look at the envelope, my name the only thing marking the white. I take a deep breath, and lift the sealed flap. A single piece of paper is all that pull out, and it is covered in the compact writing that I immediately identify as Squalls.

Seifer-

I'm sorry for everything that I have caused you to endure since you have come back to Garden. Everything is partially my fault. I should have told you that Dante has been abusing me when we first sparred again at the cliff. But I was, and still am too proud to ask for your help. I will just end up alone in the end, and obviously that is the way that it is meant to be. I really did, and still do love you, no matter how deep your feeling for me ran, mine have always stayed the same. And to avoid the inevitable hurt, I am leaving Garden for good, not just on a vacation. I already have another position lined up, and it is something that I might actually like doing, rather than something that I just happen to be good at. We made a promise the other night in the elevator, and forgive me, but I ask that you keep it, please. I'm not trying to hide my feelings for you, don't get me wrong. It's just that now that you are finally a SeeD, you don't need the ridicule that will follow you if people think that you may have slept your way into our ranks. And even at the risk of sounding selfish, there is one other thing that I must ask of you. Please do not try to find me. I have issues, most psychological, that I must take the time to deal with properly. I am not running away, I just believe that it is what is best for my sanity as well as everyone else's. As much as I still care for you and would love to have you as a pillar of support, I need to do this myself and without the hindrance of emotion. So, I guess this is farewell, Seifer. Please, never forget that you will always be my true love and my favourite dirty little secret.

Squall.

I gently place the paper down on the bed next to me, my hands beginning to tremble. Not from love, or any of that other sissy ass shit, but in pure anger. How dare he leave! How dare he not say goodbye! How dare he tell me that he still loves me, but not where he is so I can go to him! It's enough to make me want to throttle that pretty little pale neck.

But despite the rage that I am feeling, I also feel sorrow. I am sad to lose him. A single tear slides silently down my cheek, surprising me. I guess even I didn't know how deep my feelings run. Maybe, subconsciously, I do love him. But now I'll never know. Should I try to go find him? Or do I let us both move on?

I might be indecisive right now, but there is something that I know for sure. I will honour his last request of me. He will be my dirty little secret for as long as I live, the time that we had together worth more than anything else I could have ever wished for.

Is it even worth being a SeeD now? Or did I only come back to be near Squall? I know the answer to that, and frankly the answer scares the shit out of me. Maybe I should quite as well, but only time will tell.

But for now, I will keep only my precious memories as a reminder of what we once had, and eventually I will decide on whether or not I want o pursue it. To be with him again would be the greatest pleasure I could ever dream for, but not if he won't be happy. As much as I want to bring happiness to myself, if it isn't what he wants, I would be no better that Dante.

Therefore, I will wait until I can make a non-selfish decision and I will cherish the thought of our times together and see what the future brings.

The End……

Fuck that shit! If you believe that, you should be shot. Now where the fuck could he be?

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And that's all there is! Yay! I know that you all probably hate me right now, but I have the one shot epilogue that I will be posting in about a week. First, I just want to know what everyone thought of the story. Tee-hee. Call it a bribe if you will. More reviews faster epilogue gets posted. I will be posting the real last chapter/epilogue by the end of next week. That's the reason why it took so long for me to post this chapter. I wanted to make sure that I had the final one finished. I'm not so cruel as to leave you all with that much of a cliff-hanger for too long!

Once again, thank you to all of you have lent me your support over the past couple of months, and for those of you who asked, I am alright now, everything is working the way it should be. And a special shout out to Joker5253 for the idea about Rinoa. It totally is something I could see her doing! So please remember to R&R and I hope you have all enjoyed "Dirty Little Secret" as much as I enjoyed writing it. Later days!


	7. Chapter 7

Dirty Little Secret: Chapter Seven

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Don't own them, never will. Unless Square wants to share….Please?

PS. This is Yaoi. If you don't like it, don't read it!

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Author's Note:

This chapter is a little different than the rest of the chapters, because the whole chapter is based on a single song, The World I Know by Collective Soul. Also, it is not told from Seifer's point of view. This is actually something that I wrote a long time ago, and it was the basis of what I based the rest of this story on. It will answer the few questions that remained from the last cliff hanger. Enjoy!

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Have you ever noticed that you can't sleep when there is something bothering you? And if you can sleep, you always wake up at ridiculous hours, unable to get back to sleep until you have completely thought your problem through? Hyne must have planned it that way so people like murderers and rapists suffer. And for those of us who just have problems, let me tell you. It sucks. And the worst of all are bombshells. They leave you sleepless for days, and that is the reason that I am sitting here at three in the morning, instead of asleep, in bed with my lover.

Has our conscience shown?

When Squall showed up the day before yesterday, it really hit me how little I actually know about my son. It's not that I didn't want him, or Raine, it's just that I didn't want to submit them to the pressure of becoming a high profile family. Looking back, I realize how selfish I was being, but that is in the past now. Once I learned of Raine's death, I figured that it would be better to let Squall think that I was dead or MIA. Let's face it. I had no idea how to raise a child. I can barely even function myself. Frankly, if I hadn't had Kiros and Ward, I wouldn't be where I am. Being as quiet as I can possibly manage, I walk over to the balcony doors and open them up.

Has the sweet breeze blown?

A cool breeze blows into the room and causes my long, dark hair to fly everywhere. I look over to the form of my sleeping lover on our king sized bed. Alone. I hate to know that he is asleep all alone, but knowing that if I stayed in bed, I would have woken him up. A small smile grazes my features. He's what keeps me together, and he knows that. Knowing his kindness makes me wonder how there can be people in the world who are completely the opposite.

Has all kindness gone?

People like that ex-boyfriend of Squall's. It didn't surprise me that Squall was gay. Like I am in any position to talk. I've been sleeping with the same man for 15 years. But Squall wasn't as lucky as me. When he came here and told me just needed a place to stay a little while to figure a few things out, I knew there was something seriously wrong. When I finally was able to confront him and as why he didn't want me to let Garden know that he was here, the answer shocked me to say the least. He was a complete wreck. All I could do was hold him in my arms until he composed himself again and tell him that he was welcome here as long as he needed to stay.

Hope still lingers on.

To say he was a mess was the understatement of the year. Until this evening. His mood has definitely lightened since Seifer showed up. I'm not sure how close they are, but it's nice to know that there is still someone that he can trust, and even put some of his hope and trust into. Hope. So much one little emotion can do. It can bring a smile to even the iciest of souls, and that includes my son's. And it also leaves some for me. That maybe someday my son will be just that to me. A son. That we can over come the past 17 years and possibly become a family. I down the glass of scotch in my hand that I had absentmindedly gotten in one gulp.

I drink myself in new found pity.

A family. The one thing that I always wanted, and always had, but I just never realized it. And the fact that my stubbornness never allowed me to repent for my actions, I caused Squall to go through everything he had to endure. Time Compression, Garden, that ex-boyfriend, Rinoa, Everything. Well, maybe I wasn't the only reason, but most of the time it sure felt like it. If only I had been there for Raine when she was pregnant, she wouldn't have died, Squall wouldn't have had to go through all that. But then I would have lost Elle for good, never had the relationship that I have with Kiros, or become president of Esthar.

Sitting alone in Esthar City.

I never could understand why Kiros has stayed beside me for all of these years. Hyne knows that I don't deserve him. Why am I sitting out here, looking over my city instead of in bed beside him? Because I am concerned for my son. The night that I told him about our relationship, he surprised me. After I said that I was pretty sure he was my son and that if he wanted to get blood tests done I could arrange it, he just quietly shook his head and said "I know you are" and then walked out of the room. The next day I told him that there would always be a room, and even a job if he would ever want it here at the presidential residence when ever he needed it, or if he became tired with Garden, he replied "Whatever" and left. I hadn't heard neither hide nor hair from him until he called the other day and asked if there was still a room here for him.

And I don't know why.

Why would someone do something that to my son? Or any other human for that matter. I just don't get it. Normally Squall is such a strong soul; there was just something about this Dante he let his guard down around. And look what happened. I can only hope that Seifer will be able to help Squall start the healing process. Maybe, as bad as it sounds, I hope that because of all that has happened to him, he is able to become more of a son to me. No matter how long it takes, no matter what, I will become what I feel Squall needs more than anything right now. A Father.

Are we listening?

Esthar is unusually quiet for this time of morning. A faint hum coming from what ever caused that strange blue light was the only sound. Maybe I should ask about that. But that's for another time. Today is just a day to listen. When Squall told me everything earlier, I think I developed a new interest in listening. The look in Squall's eyes, Raine's eyes, as he was telling me everything invoked a whole new range of emotion that I had never felt before. Rage, Contempt, Possession, Hate.

To Hymns of Offering?

Just thinking about it, all the emotions come rushing back to the surface. I do the one thing that I can think of doing to relieve the tension. I throw my empty glass against the floor of the balcony, causing the glass to shatter into a million tiny pieces.

"'Guna?" I hear my lover's soft voice break the silence. I turn around and step back inside. Kiros' dark skin contrasts greatly with the pale satin sheets, his hair mused from sleep. He is my dark angel. I couldn't live without him.

"I didn't mean to wake you." I whisper as I walk over and sit beside him on the edge of the bed. He reaches out and grabs my hand, knowing how to comfort me in the best possible way. Showing me all the support he ever needs to, he kisses my knuckles.

"It's natural to be worried. But there is nothing you can do at four in the morning. Come back to bed. You can go on a killing spree with Seifer in the morning."

Have we eyes to see?

I smile at the sight of Kiros rolling over and curling into my pillow. Hyne, I love him. He has always been there for me, always pushed me into the right direction. I often wonder what would have happened if we had given into our lust and passion before we left the army. Would I have met, fell in love with, married Raine? Would I have a son that I barely know? Would I have become president of the largest country on Gaia? I have always been able to see Kiros' love for me; I just never knew how to respond to it. I've never regretted the decision to marry Raine, nor do I ever wish I hadn't fallen in love with her. I think that if we hadn't, Kiros and I wouldn't be as strong as we are together. Besides, if I had never fallen in love with Raine, I wouldn't have Squall.

Love that's gathering.

I let out a sigh. Squall. I still can't believe what he is going through. But at least he has Seifer. I don't care that Seifer is the former Sorceress Knight, if there is something that he can do to help Squall; I want him to do it. I don't know if there is romantic love there, but there certainly is something between them. And for that, I am happy. I hope that the combined love from myself and Seifer is enough to pull Squall through whatever he is in. I let out what seems to be my millionth sigh tonight, before standing up from the bed and leaving my lover alone for the second time tonight.

All The words that I've been reading

I walk over to the desk and grab the papers off the top. Not wanting to wake Kiros a second time, I walk back over to the balcony to see the words I have had to read so many times today. Squall's medical exam results. The notes on broken bones, the diagram of the dark bruises that create a mosaic on his back, the amount of blood that he lost. I couldn't understand how someone so strong could allow something like this to happen to him. But then I thought it over again. He didn't allow it. He wouldn't. But then again, how well do I really know my son. After all, I know more about Dr. Odine than I do my own flesh and blood.

Have started the act of bleeding

I throw the papers onto the floor, unable to look at them any longer through my tears. I'll never forget the feelings that over took me when the doctor told me that Squall was barely alive and he wasn't sure how my son made it here in the condition he was in. Magic and Guardian Forces. That's how he kept himself alive enough to get here. All because he didn't know where else he could go to hide, no to escape from Dante. After the original once over by the doctor, Squall was whisked away into surgery to try and mend the worse of his injuries. Because of the amount that Squall junctions, the doctor refused to heal Squall with magic or potions, but to do it naturally. Squall didn't even argue. Now, he's lying quietly in his room with the strictest orders from the doctor that there is to be no strenuous activity or gunblade use for at least three weeks. Squall was definitely disappointed in that one, but I think he was more relieved that the doctor hadn't judged him, or treated him like someone higher up than anything.

Into One.

I think that's what Squall was most afraid of. That someone would judge him before treating him. I can't begin to imagine what he goes through every time he goes out. Even I don't get the amount that he does. I really wish that I could take it all away. Unfortunately, I know I can't. But Squall is the strongest person I could ever hope to know. It seems that he rolls all his fears, hopes and faith into one emotion that he portrays all at once and yet never at all. How he does it, I don't think that anyone could ever hope to figure it out. I just hope that he hasn't written off happiness. I pray to Hyne, and every other deity up there that he will some day be as happy as I am, or even half as happy as I am would be enough.

So I walk upon high

I'm getting frustrated again, and I would really hate to wake Kiros up once more, so I walk back out onto the balcony. My eyes take in all the blue lights, the buildings, everything. To think that I am the president of all this. A lowly Galbadian soldier, who on a whim, abandoned his pregnant wife, to find an adopted daughter, and ended up over throwing a maniacal sorceress, only to be worshiped like a king. I don't know why the public doesn't just change my title; the sure as hell treat me like a king instead of a president. That's why I am out here on a seventh story balcony and able to look down on everything that I lead.

And I step to the edge

Seven stories. This is a little much, I often think to myself. And the funniest part of all this is that I am deadly afraid of heights. A silly fear, I know. But everyone is allowed something like that. Do I really have anything to be afraid of? Except that cliff that we, well, I jumped off of at the excavation site. So what if I pushed Kiros and Ward off? We were going to die there and going down kept us safe. Somewhat. But since that day, I have been terrified of heights. I know that I need to be strong and brave for Squall. And if I can't face a silly thing like a height, how can I hope to be strong for him? I take in a deep breath and take the few steps it takes to get to the edge and the railing. I reach out and grad the metal and hold on for sweet Hyne.

To see my world below.

In the sixteen years that I have been president and lived in this suite, this is the first time I have ever seen my city like this. A breeze blows up from below, the cool breeze feeling great on my flushed skin. If I can do this, overcome my greatest fear, I think I can overcome anything that is necessary to help Squall. I have only over come a fear or high places, but he has overcome so much more. In time, my greatest wish is that he can overcome the seventeen year barrier that has been placed between us, and someday be able to call me 'Dad' or 'Father', instead of just Laguna. But right now I am happy to not be called shit head, or fuck face, because, Hyne knows, it's all I deserve.

And I laugh to myself

That thought causes me to laugh. "President Fuck Face, could you please sign this peace treaty?" This is no time to be laughing, no matter how much serenity it brings to my thoughts. Squall is my first concern right now. Not Esthar, not Gaia, and as much as it pains me to think it, not even Kiros. My son needs all of me right now, not just the part that can be spared between meetings with Timber and Trabia, not a man only seen on a videophone, but the whole physical being that is Laguna Loire. But I have to remember that I know next to nothing about my son, and that's what hurts the most. I abandoned him for too long. As much as I know he needs me right now, I have no right to be there for him.

As the tears roll down

I feel something besides the wind on my face, so slowly I reach up and feel what's there. My fingers come in contact with the last thing that I expected. Wetness. I look up to the heavens to see if there is any rain falling, yet I am surprised when the wetness continues when there is no precipitation. That can only mean one thing. My emotions are finally catching up to me. The compound of Squall being hurt, thinking of Raine, my decisions of the past, everything that I have thought of over the last little bit is taking its toll on me. I am crying. I am crying for Squall, I am crying for Kiros, I am crying for Raine, I am crying for me. I walk over to the chair I was in earlier and allow myself to cry over everything.

Cause it's the World I Know

But as I sit here, the President of Esthar, crying my eyes out, one more thought starts to cross my mind. I am happy. I don't regret a single decision that I have made concerning my life. I may have missed out on Squall's childhood, but I rescued Elle and stopped a war and I have Squall now. I may have lost Raine, but I have gained a life long love with Kiros. For everything that has gone wrong, there have been so many good things. And I will apply the same thing to the situation with Squall. This is the darkest time that he will ever have to face, I hope. That can only mean that there will be something good that will happen to him. He definitely seems a little over due for happiness. And I will continue to be there for him in best possible way that I know how, whether it be as a father or just as a friend. But as long as everything works out and gets better the way it always does, because that's the world I know.

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You didn't think that I wouldn't let Seifer go after him, did ya? I'm not that cruel. And the reason that Seifer got there so fast is because that he tortured Selphie and Irvy before they broke down and told him that Laguna was alive and in contact with Squall. They didn't last long. I think that it was important to show the point of view of an outside person…and by the way, the two cuties didn't pay attention to the no strenuous activities-)

Well, I hope that everyone has enjoyed this as much as I enjoyed writing it! Wait…did that sound as corny as I think that it did, lol? Anyway, thanks for all the support that everyone has given me. And I do have another story in the works right now, but I'm not making any promises when it will be out! So please R&R and I will see you all soon!


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